


Nice Coat

by Ralli



Series: Nice Coat [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, Could be a meet cute if karkat wasn't full of salt, Cussing, Dave is a Selkie, Everyone is either a human or a fantasy creature of some sort, Karkat Swearing, Karkat is a human but more
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2020-11-27 22:23:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 21,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20955866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ralli/pseuds/Ralli
Summary: Kanaya Maryam, leader of the vampire covens in the state of New York, is getting married. Karkat Vantas, best man, couldn't be happier watching her up at the altar, dipping her wife into a kiss. He could almost cry, screw it, he is crying. He's never been one for big group gatherings full of people he doesn't know, too many folks asking why he's at gatherings for magical beings if he's clearly a human. At least he knows Roxy, most of Kanaya's friends, and the douche bag in the shades he saw on Tinder's magical rip-off site. Karkat wouldn't be talking to him if it weren't for that fact that he just dropped his very expensive looking coat right next to Karkat's chair, and Karkat should definitely return it before Shades leaves the building. It's what a decent person would do, right? No harm in returning a eye blistering red lettermen, right?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First fanfic posted, go gentle on me for i am Soft™

Karkat is not one for fancy dinner parties. Most of the time, said dinner parties are full of all the magical bullshit Karkat near on religiously avoids. The only problem with his evasion tactic is the fact that his best friend is coven leader of the vampires of his home state, New York. And this party is her bachelorette wedding. And Karkat is her best man. And Karkat has always wanted to go to a bachelorette party. The list goes on, but really, this is the one bullshit magic party he will go to besides the actual wedding. It’s days like this that Karkat almost forgets that he didn’t ever want to know about the magical veil that very few humans can cross over. He is, regrettably, one of said humans. 

He’s also the only human here. Everywhere he turns there are different creatures. He sees at least one other vampire, who looks like Kanaya’s older sister. Over in the corner is Vriska, the fairy. There’s Tavros, an elf with actual moving trees for legs, who is currently trapped in a one-sided conversation with Vriska. Up at the buffet table is Kanaya herself, talking with some other people from her coven. Karkat can see Sollux, a psiionic, talking with Aradia, a ghost. Gamzee, one of the rare demons that prefers to relax instead of cause mayhem, is slumped in a chair next to Karkat, stoned out of his mind. Nepeta occupies the other chair, her fluffy cat ears twitching as she eats a raw carcass off her plate. Equis, her best friend/boyfriend mix and a satyr with incredible strength, sits one more seat over. He watches in disgust as Nepeta cracks the small animals ribs to get at the internal organs. She’s surprisingly clean about it and Karkat has yet to get blood sprayed on him. Feferi is in her tank on wheels a few tables away, scaly tail swishing in aggravation as Eridan tries to talk to her. Eridan looks close to desperate tears, his pale blue skin flushed in embarrassment. Karkat almost feels bad for the sea nymph, but he knows better at this point. He hears a splash before Eridan mopes his way over to their table, soaked for now, and sits across from Karkat. 

“Don’t even start, Eridan, you had it fucking coming, douche bag,” Karkat huffs when the other opens his mouth. “She’s rejected you  _ seven fucking times. _ She’s clearly not interested.” 

“You’re so mean, Kar. And it’s only four times,” Eridan complains. 

Karkat grumbles and sips his drink, thankful as all fuck that Kanaya remembered that he can’t have most of the stuff she can and bought accordingly. He wonders if Kanaya’s fiance, a witch by the name of Rose Lalonde, has more humans at her party and if he is better suited to going to that bachelorette party. He then remembers that Rose is annoying and the only reason Karkat puts up with her ungodly amount of snark is because A. she can hex him six ways from Sunday, and B. she is the love of his best friend's life and Kanaya deserves to be happy with her. It certainly doesn’t mean he has to hang out with her or her friends. He’ll see them at the wedding. 

He leaves the table when Sollux sits down and starts squabbling with Eridan. Karkat knows where this is going and does not feel like getting drenched or zapped in the eventual fight that will break out between the two of them. 

He makes a beeline for Kanaya, who looks grateful for his sudden appearance and excuses herself from the conversation she was having. 

“Can’t even get a break from leading on a special party like this,” She sighs. “I’m glad you’re here, Karkat. Some people ...” she trails off with a huff.

He’s also glad that he’s here, because he has a speech he needs to deliver. And it better move some people to tears or he will flip a table with all the feeble strength in his out-of-shape, barely exercised body. He offers a friendly, reassuring pat on Kanaya’s shoulder and snags a glass of probably champagne. 

“I’m gonna make my speech now, so sit your ass down and rest your feet,” He commands, pushing Kanaya towards a chair. Well, more like, tries to push her towards a chair. Unfairly strong vampire strength is such bullshit. 

He steps up onto an unoccupied table, and feels people’s gazes start to land on him. His face feels hot and his hands feel sweaty, but he needs to get this out. He clinks a fork loudly on the glass and clears his throat. 

When the room is silent he swallows roughly and recalls the speech he practiced many times in the mirror. 

“Today is a precursor to a very special day. In a week, Kanaya Maryam, my best friend and an amazing person, is getting married. I’ll keep it short and sweet because speeches fucking suck when they drag on forever, but I wanted to say two things. Good luck, because I’ve met your soon to be wife.” A few people laugh and Kanaya snorts. “The other thing about your soon to be wife is she makes you happy. And you deserve to be happy. I’m glad you found each other, and i’m totally saving all your texts from the pining days about Rose for blackmail.” 

Kanaya smiles as people clap. Karkat steps off the table and sits down next to her, giving her the drink, since he shouldn’t drink alcohol as the designated driver for Gamzee. Kanaya gives him a one armed hug and a pat on the cheek. She’s glowing with happiness, literally. 

The rest of the night passes in a blur of smiles with fangs and ceaseless chatter. Karkat drags Gamzee out to his car later and drops him off with his older brother, Kurloz, to ride out his high. Then he drives to his dingy, little apartment that he can just barely afford on his teachers salary and curses out his neighbors parking like assholes. He finds a parking space after ten goddamn minutes and gets out. The trek back is long, dark and uninviting, but he really doesn’t feel scared. Kanaya says it has something to do with the fact that he can walk through the veil between the worlds, kind of like a beacon that says he’s special and not food for the man eating creatures. He shivers a bit when the breeze picks up, shoving his hands into his pocket to avoid the chill that nips at them. 

Karkat slams the door when he gets home and drops his keys in a small bowl and slips his shoes off on the plush, plastic carpet. He breaths in the smell of home and relaxes on the exhale. Tonight was surprisingly fun for him. Karkat allows himself to smile before slumping down onto the couch. Thankfully he doesn’t have to work for a few more weeks. September fifth is marked on his calendar and it beckons ominously whenever he remembers it. For now, Kanaya’s wedding is the closer important date and he chooses to ignore the scarier date in favor of that one. 

Karkat doesn’t remember falling asleep, but he wakes to his phone buzzing in his pocket. He wipes drool off with his sleeve and answers blearily. 

“Hello?” 

_ “Karkat, where are you?” _

It’s Kanaya. The hell is she calling this early for? “I’m at home. Why?” 

_ “Did you forget? You promised you’d hang out with Rose and her bridesmaid so you’re not total strangers the wedding day.”  _

Oh shit. “Oh, shit.” 

He checks the time. It’s nearly one in the afternoon. “I’m sorry Kanaya. I slept in. I can be at the cafe in like ten minutes.” 

_ “Ok. I’ll let Rose know. You remember her bridesmaids name right?”  _

“Uh. It’s… Uh.” Shit. “It starts with an R.” 

_ “Roxy. She’s Rose’s older sister.” _

“Right. Yeah, I’ll be out the door in five,” Karkat assures, already making his way to his room. He hangs up with a hasty goodbye.

True to his word, Karkat arrives at the Cafe Grandé about ten minutes after hanging up on Kanaya. Sitting outside, looking edgy as ever, is the witch herself. Rose sits with grace and beauty. Very much unlike her guest, who looks to be loudly emoting and practically buzzing with energy. Rose has a small smile and looks like she’s trying to listen. Karkat, to put it frankly, looks like he just rolled out of bed, which he pretty much did. Kanaya comes out the door with a tray of coffees, looking as she usually does with a wide brim hat covering her face from the sun. This is one of the only cafes in town that caters to beings of the nonhuman type. It’s run by a werewolf named Jake English, and his aging grandmother. Karkat is good friends with his cousin, Jade, who’s a skinwalker. 

Kanaya spots him sooner than Rose does and waves at him. Karkat meanders over, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. The adrenaline from this morning/afternoon’s scare faded on the walk over and he’s feeling the bite from staying out so late. The vampire holds out a coffee cup that Karkat gratefully accepts. 

“Sorry for him, he’s groggy when he wakes up,” Kanaya murmurs. If Karkat were more awake he would curse and deny it, but sadly he is not. 

“It’s like one thirty, what the hell did you do last night?” The other blonde asks, her voice far to bright and cheery for Karkat. 

“That’s my fault. I had my bachelorette party last night and it lasted well into the morning hours,” Kanaya offers when Karkat just blinks in response. 

“Oh, not a night owl, then? Did you at least have fun? How much dick confetti was there?” She asks, aiming a brilliant smile at him. 

The caffeine is starting to kick in and the Famous Vantas Curseword Factory is finally turning on it’s production line. “The fuck do you mean ‘dick confetti’? They make that?” 

“Hell yeah they do! Rose had some at her bachelorette party. They make dick confetti party poppers. That or Rose made them with her witchy magic,” Roxy rambles. 

“You know it doesn’t work like that, Roxy. Besides, it was Dirk who made the dick confetti poppers. I’m not well versed enough in alchemy to do that,” Rose counters over her coffee. 

Karkat watches with some vague sense of wonder at what the hell Rose’s family must be like. 

“Yeah, but you’re good at making new shit, Rose, don’t sell yourself short. Compared to my stupid little party trick, you’re like, the best at magic, it is you,” Roxy assures. 

“Hey at least you got magic,” Karkat cuts in. “Regular, old, boring human here.” 

Roxy gives him a look. “Really? I thought you were a witch too. How come you’re hanging out with us magic beings if you’re a human? Aren’t y’all supposed to be tightasses about magic and stuff?”

“Ok first off, fuck you, Kanaya’s great. Second, stereotype much? Apparently I’m special and can ‘perceive the world beyond the veil’.” Karkat puts finger quotes around the last part of his sentence to show his distaste for putting it into words that way. 

“Oh.” 

Yeah. Fucking oh. Karkat keeps his grumpy thoughts to himself for a little longer. Rose and Roxy chat while Kanaya watches and Karkat stews. He doesn’t interject much, just observes, getting to know Roxy so when he sees her four days later it won’t be unbearably awkward. 

Roxy is apparently a low level wizard. She works at a brewery turning nonalcoholic liquids in to quality liquor and beer, Jesus style. She has a cousin on her mother’s side named Dirk who’s a tech geek and a necromancer. Apparently, he’s made an android cyborg run by an AI that calls itself Hal. Hal is considered Dirk’s brother, there for another cousin of Roxy’s. She has one more cousin on her father’s side named Dave, who might be a human, but she hasn’t ever met him, so she doesn’t know. She is Roses adopted older sister and inspired Rose to get into witchcraft. She seems like a bubbly person with too much energy and not someone Karkat would hang out with out of anything but obligation. He does like her lack of filter. He’s learned all of this from about ten minutes of conversation. Roxy overshares like crazy. 

Karkat doesn’t say much else the rest of the day, not even when Kanaya leaves for some important last minute wedding thing. Kanaya has stated, no,  _ stressed _ to Karkat that it needs to be perfect or she will fail her fiance. Karkat thinks that Rose could care less about decorations or even weddings and is only doing it for Kanaya. Karkat also privately thinks that adorable and straight out of a romance book. 

He spends as much time as he sees fit to ‘get to know’ Roxy (it’s closer to having facts about her shoved into his face). He leaves with a quiet goodbye and a ‘see you later’ as he walks away. Karkat heads home to an empty apartment. The quiet walls remind him of how much of a social person he is, despite how crude he can be. He wonders briefly if he should get a roommate and realizes that he has a tiny place that’s hardly big enough for him, let alone another person. Maybe he should try an online dating site. 

Karkat files that thought away for another time and promises to himself he’ll look into Tinder. 


	2. Chapter 2

Karkat cooks a bowl of microwave macn’cheese for dinner and watches TV on his computer till he feels tired. He remembers to actually get his body to bed instead of crashing on the couch and destroying his back. What he doesn’t remember is passing out because he wakes up the next day confused. 

For once Karkat woke up on time, the sunlight bleak in the weird cold spell that settled over the town for the last three days. He can almost smell fall when he gets his ass out the door to do some much needed grocery shopping. He blearily starts his car and drives out of the apartment complex. With a storm of curses, he realizes that he completely forgot to make a list and decides to just get what looks good. He grabs a cart with a belated yawn and walks down the nearly empty isles like a zombie, idly scrolling through Twitter and Tweeter (Supernatural version of twitter made for shits and giggles by some technomancers that actually got big in the community) for the latest news. He sees a couple twits (tweeter version of tweets) about Kanaya’s marriage, most congratulating her on finding ‘the one’. He pulls a box of cereal off when he spies an ad for a supernatural dating service.

With a groan at the enchantments probably put on Tweeter to read his thoughts and provide ads accordingly, Karkat huffs and falls prey to advertisement. He downloads the app and clicks other when it requests what type of being he is. He inputs human ‘who can see through the veil’ when it requests for him to put in his species. He adds some yogurt to his cart as he fills out a bio with his interests, sexuality and preferences. Karkat grabs eggs and clicks create profile and is told to wait for the site to find matches near him. He’s paying when the phone goes off with the new preset message tone. He kindly ignores it to continue paying despite the surprised look on the cashier workers face. 

With a cart full of bagged food and a phone that’s keeping all his attention to itself, Karkat strides out of the store and straight to his car. He dutifully ignores the phone when it goes off again as he’s placing bags in the trunk. He ignores it as he drives home, though that’s probably more for a safety reason then out of the dread and procrastination creeping up his bones ever since he set it up. 

He’s regretting his choice to join by the time he gets home (Goddamn neighbors taking his goddamn spot for the fiftieth time in a row. He was gone half a fucking hour) and his phone beeps urgently again. Karkat sets it down along with his grocery bags and instead of being a mature person and seeing who he’s been paired with, he shoves all the stuff he’s bought into his comically small fridge. After that he begrudgingly does dishes in his tiny sink and dries them with a sense of duty he wouldn’t have if he wasn’t putting something else off. Karkat wonders if he should sweep until he realizes how fucking stupid he’s being. The phone goes off again and he jumps, lunging for it with a grumbled ‘fucking shut up’. 

He’s been paired up with around ten people near-ish to him. All but three are out of his area he’s willing to go for to find dates. Two guys and a girl. 

The girl’s name is Terezi Pyrope, she’s a blind psychic who works as a judge in the next over town. She likes a few things Karkat likes, including fantasy books, ramen noodles, and  _ Legend of Zelda _ . Karkat keeps her in mind. 

The first guy Karkat finds he isn’t interested in and deletes him off the suggested matches. Too much of a liking for pro-wrestling for Karkat. The other guy is extremely attractive. It catches Karkat off guard. He does not seem like the kind of guy who would need to use a dating website. He’s wearing shades in his pic, smirking like he knows how good he looks. Why the hell did the dating website put Karkat as a possible match for this extremely attractive person who would obviously have no interest in him? He reads the dudes bio anyways. 

Dave Strider, twenty-three, currently enrolled in film college and he lives in Karkat’s neck of the woods. Karkat wasn’t even aware there was a film college in the city. Dave likes movies, photography, irony, and long walks on the beach. Karkat actually laughs at that part of his bio, who the hell finds time to go to the beach in upstate New York anyways? Karkat is definitely interested in the guy, but he knows once he finds a good photo to upload to his bio, the guy won’t be interested in him. Oddly enough, he doesn’t list his species in his bio, but Karkat doesn’t judge. It’s his to keep secret and if he does end up meeting up with Dave Strider, he can learn it then. 

Karkat puts his phone away then and decides to pose for that profile pic. He tries to find the most attractive angle for his face, but his flat nose just looks awful no matter what he tries. He scrolls through the new photos and selects the best of the worst and sets it as his pic. He clicks on Terezi’s name and thumbs her name up, eliminating all other options much to his surprise. Karkat probably had no chance with such a hot guy anyways and settles with talking to Terezi for now. 

He puts Dave out of his mind permanently. He shoots off a quick message to Terezi about talking and leaves it at that. 

. . .

The day of the wedding is hell. Karkat is needed for both emotional support and a second set of eyes for party decorations. Karkat is stressed, Kanaya is putting on her suit, Rose is… somewhere. Roxy is flitting about, offering to turn drinks into some light alcohol to ease nerves. Karkat nearly accepts on multiple occasions. When everything is set seats start filling in and Karkat stands next to Kanaya as she watches Rose gracefully float down the aisle, already misty eyed. The ceremony is short and sweet with vows from  _ The Corpse Bride _ because both Kanaya and Rose love that movie. Karkat is probably smiling super hard but his mind not on him, only on how happy Kanaya looks, literally glowing from under the flower crowns both brides wear. 

The zombie priest pronounces them wife and wife and Rose rushes Kanaya, arms just barely missing Karkat as they wrap around her wife and she plants a big smooch on Kanaya’s lips. Roxy is squealing, the crowds screaming. Karkat is crying in happiness, blinded slightly by how much Kanaya is glowing. Rose tosses the flowers in her hand to the crowd, adding a dash of magic so they fly up instead of down and burst into a shower of petals. 

The after party is a blur, just little snippets in Karkat’s memory. The first dance, given to the newly weds. The last glass of a little too much champagne and the feeling of being tipsy. Karkat shaking hands with a lot of Rose’s side of the family. He meets Dirk and Hal, who flew out from Texas to be here. Both have outrageously strong accents and listening to them gives Karkat a small headache. Rose and Kanaya sit Karkat down next to Roxy and a few familiar faces to enjoy some dinner and cake. Kanaya laughs and wipes some frosting into Rose’s cheek.

Karkat’s chair is bumped slightly and he turns, ready to cuss out the unfortunate party guest when he catches a familiar face. It’s the shades guy from that dating site! He can’t quite remember his name, and Shades walks away with a quick sorry, calling out to another of Karkat’s friends, John, a slime boy. It’s only until Karkat stops staring at the leaving figure that he realizes Shades has dropped his coat. 

Karkat leans out of chair and picks it up. It’s bright red, looks kind of like a letter-men with a big embroidered ‘strider’ across the upper back. 

“Hey, Roxy. I’ll be right back, douche in the shades dropped his coat,” Karkat mutters. Roxy is probably the only one entirely sober at the table currently. 

He walks away before she gets a chance to respond. Weaving through the crowd, Karkat picks his way towards John and Shades. He’s clutching the coat under one arm, the fabric rubbing against his sweater and making it itchy. John looks like he’s trying desperately not to leak anything onto the floor and still hold a normal conversation. With his spiffy new glasses Karkat helped him get, he spots the walking ball of grump heading towards them like a category five hurricane. 

“Hey, Karkat! Hi!” John waves, then winces as he flicks Shades with a bit of slime. Shades vaguely looks like he wants to die, but is hiding it under the pretense of polite conversation. John can have that effect on people. He sends what Karkat takes to be an apologetic glance towards the blond. 

“Hi fuckass. How’re the glasses holding up?” Karkat starts. 

“They’re great! I’ve never been able to see clearer,” John counters. 

This conversation is already becoming boring. 

Karkat huffs and pulls the jacket from under his arm, “anyway, I think your friend here dropped this.” 

He shoves it in shades direction. The tall man slumps in relief. 

“Holy shit, thank you, missing this like a fat kid on a diet misses candy bars and has to watch all his friends eat candy bars and he knows he can’t have even one bite because if he does his dad will know from the stench on his breath and beat his ass in wii sports,” Shades spews. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm kind of bending the rules of selkie mythology. Kind of. There's no actual evidence that giving a selkie back their coat willingly makes them married, but there are versions I've heard that do include that. Like all mythology, it's usually different depending on who you hear it from, and it changes over time.

In Karkat’s professional opinion, and as someone who has to listen to kids have “secret” conversations, that sentence was 50 percent bullshit, 30 percent confusing and 20 percent not at all related to any topic within a five mile radius. All Karkat can do is choke out a “What the fuck?” and hope for the best. 

“Well, thanks for returning my coat. I guess we have to get married now,” Dave says casually, as if he didn’t just say the weirdest shit Karkat has ever heard. 

Karkat raises an eyebrow and glances at John. “I can’t tell if you’re joking or serious.” 

John nods like Dave is serious. 

Dave looks up slightly. Damn his shades, Karkat can’t read his emotions as well as he’d like. “Well, normally I would be joking, but you returned my coat of your own free will. It’s ancient magic that we have to get married now.” 

“That doesn’t help me know whether your joking or not. What ancient magic?” To his knowledge, ancient magic is inert because it’s, well, ancient. 

John sighs. “Karkat, Dave’s a selkie. Or well, half selkie. You gave him his coat back. You have to marry him. It’s part of the magic of selkies.” 

He’s a what? “Are you shitting me? I don’t want to marry this douchebag! I don’t even know him! Aren’t all selkies supposed to be women?” 

“That’s sexist Kitkat. And to think I was starting to like you. Too bad,” Strider sighs as dramatically as he can without loosing his aloof facade. 

Karkat flushes in embarrassment. “You know what, fuck this. I’m leaving. Enjoy the party assholes and I’m not marrying anyone anytime soon.” 

Karkat marches back to Roxy in a much worse mood, and in another mood as well. The get black out drunk kind of mood. He’s sobered up too much from talking to Dave. But he’s second guessing it after he gets back and sees what’s become of his now drunk friends. Roxy seems stressed. He owes to her to stay sober. 

“What happened to you? You look ready to kill someone,” Roxy asks under breath. 

“Dave fucking Strider.” 

Roxy chokes on her water. “How do you know Davey? I’ve only talked to him online.” 

“I just returned his coat. He thinks he’s being funny telling me I have to marry him because of selkie magic. Haven’t selkies been extinct for years now?” 

“Duuude. Oh no. Ooooh nooo. That’s sirens not selkies. You are married to him by the ancient laws,” Roxy imparts. “Listen. There's no one I know who's more knowledgeable than Jane. She's been studying monsters ever since she learned they exist.” 

Karkat can’t deny that. Jane may not be able to see through the veil, but she definitely has some magic in her blood. Her baking skills are supernatural, literally. Karkat sighs loudly through his nostrils. He pinches the bridge of his nose and groans on his next breath out. 

“So, how do I fix this?” Karkat sighs. 

“Hold on, lemme text Janey,” Roxy mutters, pulling out her phone. 

Karkat holds on for about as long as he can before he goes to the open buffet and helps himself to a heaping plate of free food, becuase fuck yeah free food and stressing eating. He wouldn’t turn it up at any chance, even if it’s just mini sandwiches and a cheese platter. And also several dessert trays that are very close to empty. They are no longer close to empty when he’s through with them. 

When he gets back Roxy has a dopey smile on her face as she texts her girlfriend. Karkat hopes for love like that someday. Also when he gets back he notices his seat has been stolen by blond douche in sunglasses. Karkat’s immediate thought is to shove his foot right in Dave’s stupidly attractive face and kick him out of the chair. His seat has his goddamn name on it so it’s not like Dave can claim ignorance. If only he were that flexible. If only.

But Dave’s posture looks so tense. He’s hunched over and whispering loudly to Roxy, who’s multitasking efficiently. She says something back to Strider and he throws his hands up and makes a ‘guh!’ sound. 

“I can’t help it if he’s cute! But also, rules are rules and your girlfriend knows what will happen if I don’t follow them,” Dave responds loudly. 

Karkat flushes angrilly. How dare this man call him cute. He’s a force to be reckoned with. Give him stilts and he could rule the world! So how dare Strider call him cute? Roxy glances up for a mere second to see Karkat there and when Dave looks back down at his knees, Roxy winks. Oh no. 

“Aww, poor Davey. You think he’s cute?” 

Karkat flushes harder when his brain realizes that the hot guy called him cute. _ Him _. With his squished up nose that he knows has been visibly broken once, unbeatable wild, curls (though many have tried), and the whole mess of his face just looks squished down in general. He’s definitely diagnosed with resting bitch face. 

“I mean, yeah. Like an adorable train wreck. I can’t look away… I like his eyes too.” 

He likes Karkat’s eyes? No one likes Karkat’s eyes, not even Karkat. 

Roxy snorts. “Why don’t you tell him then? I mean you are married aren’t you?” 

Dave throws up his hands again, groaning like Roxy doesn’t get it. 

“It’s not that simple. I can’t just tell a guy he’s cute with no context- damn it he’s behind me isn’t he.” Dave bodily turns to face Karkat with a slapdash mask of indifference thrown on. 

“Been here for a while asshole,” Karkat cuts in. “But… If it’s any help, you’re not too bad looking either.” 

“I literally can’t look bad. It’s part of my selkie charm,” Dave insists, monotone as he was before. For some reason Karkat feels like he's done something wrong. He winces. 

“Bet,” Roxy challenges. “I’ll snap a pic of you just waking up, or when you get scared by sneaky, silent Hal at two in the morning while making pasta.” 

“Dirk shared that story?!?!” Dave screeches. “Excuse me for a moment.” 

He stands and he immediately reclaims his seat. Fuck you, Strider, he thinks to himself and proceeds to inhale three macaroons in quick succession. 

“He thinks I’m cute?” Karkat asks, a little breathless. 

“Dude, he gushed about you the moment he sat down. Said you were like a hedgehog with a squish nose instead of a snout. That in Strider speak is about the highest compliment you can get,” Roxy spills, probably much to Dave’s dislike if he were here. 

Karkat doubts that it is, but he doesn’t know Strider speak, so he can’t refute it. He just grumbles and shoves two more macaroons into his mouth with fury. The thought that Kanaya might let him take some home in Tupperware containers crosses his mind, but he pushes it aside to deal with bigger problems. 

“What did Jane say about selkies?” He asks after swallowing. 

Roxy smiles. “Well, your in luck since Dave’s a half-selkie there might be some stretch to the rules. You’re probably gonna have to at least pretend for a bit until Janey comes up with something. She will though. She’s incredibly smart.” 

Roxy’s faith in her girlfriend is truly amazing. Karkat has much less faith in Jane, but goddamn if doesn’t want to with the way Roxy’s framing it. 

“She’s gonna do some research, Supernatural style and get back to us in a few days. Dirk tells me Dave has a penthouse.” She phrases it like a suggestion more than a fact, her voice going higher at the end. 

A college student. Has a penthouse. Karkat’s calling bullshit. Those guys have less money than Karkat, and Karkat doesn’t get paid that well. 

“Yeah, right. I highly doubt it,” Karkat snorts. He shoves a mini-egg salad sandwich in his mouth. Goddamn does Kanaya know exactly how to shop for the humans at the party. Actually, this was probably Rose’s decision, influenced by Kanaya’s input. It tastes exactly like an egg salad sandwich should, no pepper or any extra shit that takes away from the delicious, creamy mix of flavor. 

“No, no. Dirk has apparently been there, and according to him, it’s sick. Dave’s got a pool and everything. Dirk’s uncle is like, loaded and shit. I guess he’s my… uncle? Too? Idk. Anyway, he’s fucking leaking cash from his puppet porn industry. Why so many people are into smuppets? I dunno. But he’s doing something right,” Roxy spews. 

Karkat tries not to be impressed. Can someone really make that much money making puppets fuck? Should Karkat jump on that bandwagon? Make some extra cash? Then he thinks about the other things that implies, and nopes the hell out of that thought. He will not be cutting a slice of the porn making industry. That would fast track him to the death of any respectable career if it went sideways. He makes a face. 

“Karkat? Karkat? You with me, buddy? Stop thinking about puppet porn and how awful it probably is,” Roxy smirks. She snaps her fingers in Karkat’s face once or twice. 

“Ugh. Yeah, I’m listening. Just, ugh. So Dave’s got a penthouse. Your point?” Karkat asks. 

“You’re a teacher right? Take a vacation. Go live with Dave for a few days,” Roxy suggests. 

“What the fuck, Roxy! No! I’m not gonna just be a jerk and take advantage of ancient magic. I don’t know Dave, I’m not gonna intrude on his life. That’s rude as all hell. And not to mention, shady as fuck, considering I wouldn’t be going to hang out with Dave, I’d just be using him for his money. I’m a decent fucking human being, Roxy. I don’t do that,” Karkat preaches. Oh dear god he’s starting to sound like his father. Fuck that. 

“You passed,” Roxy says cryptically. 

“What? Passed what?” Karkat bristles. What the hell was he being judged on? 

“The test. As an older sibling, it’s my duty to protect anyone younger than me in my family. I wanted to see if you’d take the bait. I don’t want Davey getting hurt in this accidental marriage. Just know.” Roxy leans in close, grabs Karkat by the shirt. Her tone is low and dangerous. “Do anything bad to Dave and I will hunt you down. The human body is 70% water. It only takes a 0.40% blood alcohol level for non-alcoholics to induce death.” 

Karkat blanches, face paling a little. Roxy lets go of his shirt and smiles sinister-ly at him. He’s speechless and terrified for a good ten minutes afterward.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot Time™️ bois. I have like five minutes of experience worth of Scottish myths from wikipedia, and I'm stretching more stuff when it comes to mythology. I'm sorry.

The party winds down somewhere in the early hours of the morning. Karkat stays the night at the hotel. He texts Terezi to explain things. She doesn’t respond. Being a judge must be hard work. He sets his phone on the nightstand and clicks the light off, burying himself under the plush covers. He really isn’t expecting someone tucked up against his side when he wakes in the morning. Someone with pale blond hair, and a surprising lack of shades. 

Karkat does what any sane human would do. Jump back. And in doing so, he launches himself off the small bed and onto the floor with a yelp and a strangled ‘fuck!’. He wakes up Dave with his scream, who jumps up as well but gracefully manages to stay on the bed. 

“What the fuck are you doing in my room?? What the fuck are you doing _ in my bed? _” Karkat screeches, because volume control gets progressively harder the angrier he is. 

“Dude, sssshhhhhhut up. Please. I have the worst hangover,” Dave drawls. “I don’t know how I got here. It’s kind of hazy, even to me.” 

Oh just great, he’s got a hung-over selkie. In his bed. Karkat groans again. “Think long and fucking hard about how you got here, becuase I’m damn sure I locked that door before I went to bed.” 

“Ugh,” Dave groans. “Locks really aren’t a problem for me.” 

“Because you’re magic?” Karkat asks with unnecessary fury. 

“Because I know how to pick a fucking lock,” Dave groans back. “Now please, for the love of the ancient magicks, lower your volume.” 

The blond looks down at Karkat from the bed, and he’s hit with how bad Dave looks. Relatively speaking, of course. He still looks like he walked straight out of a romance movie, but it looks more like a disguise. He has bags under his vibrant red eyes, his mouth set in an uneasy line, like he’s tasting his own morning breath. Karkat doesn’t really think he looks any less attractive, but he looks so much more real this way. 

“Lemme see if the fucks who do housekeeping are smart enough to put aspirin into the bathroom,” Karkat says, respectfully lowering his tone. He's been in Dave's position before, and that was enough for him to swear to never drink around his brother again. 

Turns out they are smart enough. There’s enough for one dosage and he fills a cup with tap water (he doesn’t know Dave enough or care enough about Dave to get him bottled water). Dave gulps it down with the medicine in five seconds flat. 

“I could kiss you right now,” Dave says after a moment. 

“Please don’t,” Karkat responded. “Believe it or not, I actually have a girlfriend. Who might be mad at me for this.” 

“Polyamory is a thing, Karkles. Just spin it like that. You’re stuck with me until either of us dies. Stuck like… I’m too hungover for this. Stuck like sticky things,” Dave rambles. “Ugh…” He grimaces. “Thinking hurts.” 

Karkat snorts as he stands by the kitchenette’s tiny coffee maker. “Wait till the medicine kicks in and then fucking rethink the idea of saying another one of your long winded sentences that makes no sense. I’m not polyamorous by the way.” 

Dave is oddly silent. The only sound is the bubbling of the coffee pot in the small room. It’s cold, like all hotel rooms (what is up with every hotel room being cold enough for Santa to refuse to stay there, Karkat thinks), and Karkat wishes dearly to get back under the covers. But a certain someone hasn’t gotten out of the bed yet, and Karkat is too awkward and self-respecting to just fucking get back in bed with said someone. The smell of cheap coffee beans spreads slowly through the room and the brunette revels in it, letting it take him back in his memories to his college days, when cheap coffee was the shit and he was seen as a god for continually buying it. Ah, the semi-good, probably-closer-to-just-ok, old days. 

“I’m sorry,” Dave says out of no where. 

Karkat furrows his brow. “For fucking what?” 

Dave doesn’t respond. The silence feels thick, but not awkward, and heavy. Karkat is getting the sense that Dave isn’t talking about his awful choice in words on the occasion. 

“Don’t be sorry. Terezi will understand. She’s a goddamn judge. I’m sure she’s going to want to get her hands all over the legal complications and how they interact with ancient magic,” Karkat explains, sipping the freshly made coffee with no regard for temperature. “And Roxy’s girlfriend is looking for workarounds since technically, you’re not a full selkie. Besides, I think Terezi would like you. You're her brand of weird.” 

Dave doesn’t respond, and Karkat thinks Dave is going over his words, but the light snores that follow soon after tell otherwise. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Karkat mutters to himself. 

He sets his coffee on the table, walks over to Dave and flicks him in the face. The snoring stops and Dave twitches. “Wake up, fuckass. You don’t get the luxury of sleep right now. I’ll spare some coffee for you, though.” 

Dave groans. “I don’t drink coffee.” 

“You’re a fucking lunatic. I’m married to a fucking lunatic,” Karkat mutters. 

Dave does eventually get out of bed, but only at the promise of continental breakfast. The two of them regroup with the rest of the Strilondes (excluding Rose. She went to go be gay with her wife on their honeymoon early in the morning) over shitty left overs. Karkat is not complaining. He has mini muffins. What more could he ever want? It’s decided that Karkat and Dave will at least have to get to know each other, and even ignoring Hal’s suggestion to hand-cuff them together, they still make a promise to do hang out one day each in each-others’ homes. Karkat hates the idea that Dave goes anywhere near his dingy apartment. At least he cleaned recently. 

“Karkitty could come to my place first? I’m free tomorrow and willing to entertain,” Dave says with an insincere smile. 

Karkat glances at Roxy for a moment. She gives him a look that he interprets as ‘pick your next words wisely’. 

“Fucking fine, I guess. Here I am, thinking that we should start with like, dinner out to Chipotle or something, but no. Just don’t get your hopes up about my place, I’m not doing anything special.”

“Fuck dude, I love Chipotle, I’m so down for that. I’m down like-” 

“No! For the sake of my fucking ears, don’t finish another one of those goddamn sentence. The English teacher in me might strangle you for a fuck ton of run-on sentences,” Karkat complains. 

“Well, the English teacher in you should appreciate my fucking word choice,” Dave fires back. 

This kind of banter is starting to become fun for Karkat. Dave's quick to return fire, and for once Karkat has to put effort into keeping up. “Well, the English teacher in me doesn’t, so deal with it.” 

“Boys, boys, break it up. You’ll have plenty of time for that later,” Roxy interrupts. “Janey just got back to me. She says that there could be a way out of it, but it’s incredibly difficult. You gotta find like this Mither of Sea gal. She’s the one who’s in control of relations of sea creatures. And you gotta get her attention long enough to break your marriage. According to Jane, she’s trapped in a battle between Teran that takes all her energy.” Roxy pauses for a breath. “Her theory is if you can succeed in holding back Teran enough for her to break the magic binding you together, you’re released from marriage.” 

“So, the question is where is she?” Dirk asks from across the table. 

“Nah, that’s not the question. She keeps the waters quiet around the northern isles of Scotland, so says Jane,” Roxy corrects. “The question is how to hold back Teran, the spirit of winter, for any amount of time.” 

“Sword. Done,” Dave says simply, as if that solves all of the future problems Karkat is mentally calculating. 

“Do you really think a sword is gonna hold back a spirit who the mother of the sea has trouble holding back?” Karkat cuts in. “I didn’t take you for an idiot, Dave.” 

“It doesn’t have to be for long, you know. All she has to say is divorced, and we’re done, right?” He asks. 

“Idk,” Roxy offers. “Jane hasn’t gotten to that yet.” 

Karkat sighs through his nose and eats some more of the danish he swiped from the breakfast buffet. He has a feeling this is going to be a long journey. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently, Mither is an old Scottish translation of Mother. But Mither of the Sea is actually a pretty badass spirit, in my opinion. She keeps down two evil spirits; Teran, who often gets out of her control and causes winter and storms, and also this demonic spirit called nuckelavee, who she keeps trapped in the depths of the ocean. I can barely keep my own demons, both literal and figurative, under control on a good day, but this awesome lady does it every day of the year except for winter. And even then she's still keeping one locked away.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like i should explain a thing since it bugs me and i can't find a way to incorporate it into the story without fucking up the timeline. Karkat is one year older than Dave. Dave's only in college because a took a gap year to go fuck around Europe, and then waited like three years to get some experience in working jobs before starting college. He's starting his fourth year. Karkat started college directly out of high school, earned his teaching degree in three years out of sheer spite, and got a job less than a year later to start paying off his debt.

There has never been a day so stressful in Karkat’s life. His house has been deep cleaned, sprayed with something nice smelling, cleaned again because Karkat didn’t like the smell, and then sprayed with the same thing because Karkat has no other sprays and would rather his house smell like cinnamon apples instead of stale pizza and spaghetti-of-holidays-past. For the first time in his life, Karkat has actually paid attention to what he’s bought to make dinner with. He’s also wearing something that isn’t complete shit or dirty, even if he’s just staying home. The worst part is Karkat _ fucking said he wouldn’t do anything nice. _ Fuck Dave and fuck Karkat’s deep need to show up any douche he meets. 

Dave does actually have a penthouse, by the way. And he had a fucking butler bring up pizza, which Karkat considers an ill use of a butler and an insult to the importance of butlers (Karkat is just so sure there is a purpose besides opening doors, but he just can’t be bothered to put enough thought into it). Now, measly teachers salary Karkat has to show up the spoiled fuck who ruined his perception of life. He has to show him that he can survive on just his penchant. He’s gonna just sweep under the rug that he’s worked various jobs over the summer to make some extra cash when times get tough. 

Dave’s set to come around at four. It’s two thirty. Karkat rushed to the point of being early and now he has to stew in his nerves with a few distractions that won’t actually work. He tries to work on figuring out his curriculum for the poorly underfunded Creative Writing course he volunteered to run this year. Then, when that doesn’t work he moves onto what he’s going to do about being married to Dave. 

It was decided when he visited Dave that they would wait until they Christmas break, take the whole Strider/Lalonde clan to Scotland, and address Sea Mither when she isn’t battling Teran, therefore no distracting a winter spirit necessary. Until then, they would meet on weekends to keep up appearances. It was up to Karkat to find a way to get himself to Scotland in the cheapest amount possible. An expert in the field of getting discounts, Karkat considered this to be his shining moment. Every trick in the book for getting plane tickets as cheap as he could was used. 

All in all it would probably cost more than Karkat was willing to pay for his ticket, and he really didn’t feel like making Dave pay with Roxy’s threat still popping up every time he even thinks about asking Dave for financial support on this endeavor. He can’t do much more than the flight being about $2,500 round trip. From then, Karkat would have to drive to the meeting point at the Gloup, a little picturesque place about a fifteen minute drive from Kirkwall Airport. And then there’s the price of hotels. He has no idea what hotels will be there so he’s banking on spending at least a $500 for the two or three nights they stay there. Then there’s food money, which Karkat is thinking is gonna be about $100 to $200 dollars because he’s not buying groceries for two days. 

All in all, it’s well over $3000. Karkat will be tight for money for so long afterwards he’s almost considering just staying ‘married’ to Dave. But the thought of Terezi and, while it’s much to early in his relationship with her, the prospect of maybe marrying her solidifies his need to break this magical union. He’s panicking and checking his bank account with this awful kind of sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. He does some more calculations, double checks it, and then has Sollux, resident math genius, check it just to be sure. He’s gonna have to ration so much money in the months coming up and get a second job, even if he can somehow manage to get a raise after working for four-ish years at the same school. 

Thankfully though, those calculations and research take him up to Dave knocking on his door, exactly at 4. Karkat slams his computer shut harder than he intended to and winces before shaking his head and going to open the door. 

“Sup,” Dave greets, face passive. He has a rose in his hand. Like those cheesy romance movies Karkat may have let slip that he likes so much. Karkat almost blushes. That is until Dave opens his mouth again, and says with a mock bow, “A flower for the fair lady.” 

Karkat sighs, moment ruined. “Just get inside, dickwad.” 

“That’s no way to talk the chivalrous knight who went through so much to buy a rose for his fair lover.” 

The tall fucker steps through the door and hands Karkat the delicate stem, de-thorned. No one’s ever bought him a flower, and it pains him to admit that he will be talking to Jade very soon about how to make roses last a long time. 

“We aren’t lovers,” Karkat says offhandedly. He’s a little to busy thinking of where he’s probably hidden a vase to come up with smart remarks. “Just unfortunately acquainted.” 

“Damn. Breaking my poor heart over here, Vant-ass,” Dave drawls as he closes the door with his foot like someone trying to hard to be cool, which he is. 

“I regret telling you my last name,” Karkat snarks back, finally remembering the vase he got for Christmas because no one in his family knows how to give gifts to people. 

“Now it’s both our last names. Or do you want to take my last name?” He pauses like he’s thinking. “I could settle to hyphenate if that’s really what it came down too.” 

Karkat glares at him. “Or we could not change our last names. That’s a thing too.” 

“But where’s the fun in that? What if we smashed our last names together? Vanter? Stridas? Vader? No, that’s dorky,” Dave mumbles. 

Karkat almost wants to smile at Dave’s stupid antics, but he has a reputation to uphold. “We’re not changing our last names. End of story.” 

Dave pouts, like honest to god pouts, even if it’s not sincere. “Is it ‘cause you don’t want to get married to me?” 

“For the record, I wouldn’t change my last name marrying someone else and I wouldn’t expect them to change theirs unless they wanted to,” Karkat says, leaving the rose on the counter for now. “If you can hold your shit for a moment and let me find a vase, then this afternoon might move along smoothly. I trust you’re not as much of an idiot as your face suggests and can find the couch on your own.” 

Dave snorts. “Yeah, ok, sure. If I’d known you liked roses so much, I probably would have bought more.” 

“I don’t, actually. Like roses, I mean. My favorite flower is water lilies. But I also don’t think the poor rose should have to suffer humanity's fucking stupid attempts to woo their partners with it’s death,” Karkat throws back. 

“But isn’t that, like, super symbolic of how far people are willing to go to show their love. Aren’t you all about that shit, with how much you praise romance films,” Dave calls from the living room around the corner. 

“I can appreciate quality cinema without dragging it into the real world, since I can fucking distinguish between the two using this thing called a brain most beings possess. You, are clearly not on that list.” 

“Holy shit, Karkat. Can I get some ice for that burn,” Dave utters, sarcasm thick in the air between the two of them. 

“Shut up, and no. Wallowing in your suffering,” Karkat answers. 

Karkat triumphantly tugs the pottery vase from fuck deep in his only closet with a victorious grin. He struts back into the living room with it still plastered to his face. “Success.” 

“Dork,” Dave teases, looking up from his phone. 

“Shut up, it’s a hellish struggle every day to find things in my closet. It’s a miracle how I get dressed everyday,” Karkat admits, ear tips going a little red from embarrassment. 

“Hah.” 

Karkat pours some water into the vase and delicately sets the rose into it, like it will break if he handles it too hard. He joins Dave on the couch after popping in one of the few movies he has left over from when John thought he could sway Karkat’s impeccable taste for movies. John’s taste is shit, but Dave made it clear last time that he would rather watch Con-Air than sit through a romance movie. Thankfully, it doesn’t come to that. Karkat owns probably only one Nicholas Cage movie and John was so upset he had to leave the room for a moment. 

So in the movie player goes National Treasure.

Karkat sits as far away from Dave as the couch will allow, no contact between them. He’s pretending that this is just hanging out with a friend, like guys night in or a hang-out with Gamzee. He keeps glancing over at Dave, trying to guess what the blond is thinking. The shades are rendered useless when Karkat can see through the side of them, no matter how small the sliver. Karkat’s always been good at reading people. Dave is the first person he’s had trouble with in a while. He’s a goddamn enigma for the most part, hiding behind his shades and his words. Karkat kind of wants to tug on loose strings until the ball comes unraveling in a sort of platonic, puzzle solving kind of way. 

The movie ends with an ending Karkat has never paid attention to. It’s about six and Karkat starts on dinner, meatloaf like his dad used to make when he was little. Dave offers to help, and Karkat doesn’t feel the slightest bit guilty about putting him on veggie chopping duty even though he’s the guest. 

Dinner was a short affair. No one talked aside from Dave complementing Karkat’s cooking skills (To which Karkat scoffs, flushes red, and tells Dave to shut up and eat). When all is said, done, and eaten, they make their way back to the couch. Karkat is the one who brings up the trip first. 

“So,” He starts, grimacing at how awkward that sounded. “I’ve been planning routes and shit for the trip. If we don’t want to take a boat to where we’re going, it's best to get a flight straight to Kirkwall and then drive to the Gloup.” 

Dave snorts. “Best name for a scenic place.” 

“I hope your getting your ticket because the total cost of this trip for one person is about $3000. Not that I wouldn’t help pay for food and stuff, but that hardly lowers the cost.” Karkat sighs and rubs at his face, feeling the little bits of stubble growing in already. Damn it he just shaved! 

“Dude, I’m paying for your ticket as well. I’m not making you pay for a trip you didn’t want to go on. Save the money and like, go to a spa or something. Your cranky enough to need it,” Dave jokes. 

Karkat aims a determined glare at him. Roxy’s words echo once again in his mind and he shift uncomfortably for a moment. “I can’t let you do that. I don’t think you want to go on this trip anymore than me, therefore, we pay for our own tickets.” 

“That’s the worst fucking logic I have ever heard. I’ve always wanted to go Scotland, it’s my fucking ancestral home or some shit. This is like my soul searching journey, back to my home-lands. Connect with my seal routes. Maybe get to swim in my skin. God, I haven’t done that in ages…” Dave trails off, clearly reminiscing about other times. 

Dave stares off into space, while Karkat contemplates how he’s going to convince him to let Karkat pay for his own ticket. He doesn’t think Roxy would want Dave to know that she threatened him. Maybe he’s taking her too seriously? She didn’t seem like she was joking, but Karkat’s only known her for a week. If Vriska threatened him the same way it would feel different because Vriska is Vriska, but he doesn’t know Roxy well enough. 

“I’m gonna insist that I pay for my own ticket. I’m not a leach like that,” Karkat says finally. 

Dave lets out a loud, aggressive sigh. “Oh my god. One of my siblings threatened you didn’t they? Which one was it? Dirk? Dirk’s the one that usually does it.” 

“What, no! None of your siblings threatened me,” Karkat lies, feeling how flimsy his excuse is. 

“No. You didn’t hang out with Dirk enough for him to threaten you.” Dave continues like hasn’t heard Karkat. “Hal doesn’t do that shit regardless…. Roxy. It was Roxy. Excuse me for a moment, Mr. Vantas.” 

Dave gets up from the couch and heads into the kitchen, despite that Karkat can still see him from his spot on the couch. He’s texting someone incredibly fast, fingers flying over the keyboard. Karkat wants to stop him, he really does, but a small (and considerably loud) part of him keeps him glued to his chair thinking that maybe this thing with Roxy will be cleared up. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you know forwent was a word? It's the past tense of forgo, but I've almost never seen it used.

Dave types for ten more minutes, making all these little huffs and sighs as he talks to Roxy. He paces the kitchen in between typing bursts, giving Karkat these little glances that might apologetic, but with the shades it’s hard to tell. It’s making Karkat anxious. 

“Come sit down, dumbass. Stop scuffing up the only hardwood floors in this place with your fucking pacing,” Karkat says after a minute. 

Dave shoots him a look, shuffling from foot to foot with an indecisive look on his face. He collapses onto the couch a moment later, much closer to Karkat than before. He huffs again and Karkat can feel his rib cage move on the exhale. The silence continues to grow, getting more awkward as time goes by. 

“Wanna watch another movie?” Karkat offers. 

Dave sighs once again. He’s quickly reaching Karkat’s limit of sighs. Dave swings his head over to look Karkat up and down. “I should probably get going. Roxy’s saying we shouldn’t talk over text about this. I don’t get it, but I get the feeling that she wants to make up for lost time.” 

Karkat nods. Roxy seems like the type to want to always bond with her family. The Lalonde/Strider family seems very close in general. It’s no surprise that Roxy would want to connect with Dave. 

He walks Dave to the door, leaning against the frame as Dave leaves. The blond stares at Karkat for a moment. His cheeks tinge pink and he looks away rather fast. Karkat wonders what the hell is up with that, before wishing him a goodbye. Dave’s shoulders slump and he pretty much slinks away. 

When he closes the door, for some reason he feels like a disappointment.

. . .

The first day of school roles around, and kicks Karkat in the ass. He’s got any where from 15-20 students in every class and he’s busy going over the name lists again in his prep period to make sure he can remember them. He’s also making a seating chart and setting up his curriculum plan, double checking to make sure it meets state standards. And figuring out how to space out homework assignments, tests, and quizzes to make sure he doesn’t overload his students by cross referencing them with what other teachers have sent him. By the end of the day he’s so tired that he forgets his phone in his desk and has to drive all the way back to the school to pick it up. 

He has thirteen missed messages of varying degrees of worry and one missed call. Kanaya predictably guesses that Karkat left his phone behind. Terezi is checked up on date plans for the weekend. Nepeta just asked him if he’d like to go see a movie with her and Equius later that day (He declines. He likes Nepeta, but Equius can be a little… uptight. And their movie choices are so abstract. One day, they’ll be watching a nature documentary at Nepeta’s, the next it’s a horse breeding technique instruction DVD, then it could be actually going to the movies to see something normal, _ and then _ it could be one of the movies from the Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff series, which are so convoluted and weird Karkat can hardly stomach it. “The spelling errors, Nepeta, _ the goddamn spelling errors. _”)

The next ten are oddly from Dave. He seems to be going on a long rant about how a hang out with Karkat is like being stuck at the bottom of the ocean, but in a good way. Karkat barely follows it after the fourth text, but he seems to be trying to convey that it’s a kind of peaceful feeling? Maybe? Karkat has so much trouble understanding what Dave says during these. He texts him a yes to hanging out that weekend just to shut him up. Goddamnit, his phone is glitching again. It sends the message in all caps. Fuck. He’ll have to talk to Sollux about fixing it again. The nerd coded his own phone to have a weird ass keyboard, so he can fix a faulty caps lock. Karkat isn’t so sure he’ll actually to do it after the tenth time, though. 

Coffee is his best friend for the next week. One at breakfast, One at lunch, pass out just after dinner. He goes easy on his kids, giving them a short creative writing assignment to assess their knowledge of grammar and word choice. He expects that Monday next week. Karkat adjust his reading glasses as he looks over a paper sent by the school. _ Blah, blah, blah. All teachers are required to mandate dress code. _ Fuck the dress code, he thinks. It’s more sexist than half the senate, and he’s gonna try his best to avoid calling girls out on it. Because, let’s be real, the dress code is really geared towards the girls. 

He spends Saturday brunch with Terezi at a small cafe in town. Part of her psychic gift is she can see through her sense of smell and taste. It’s weird, and rare even in the psychic community, and she likes to lick his face to ‘see’ what’s changed. He just lets her slobber over him for a moment. 

“You’re frowning, Karkat,” Terezi says after a sloppy, one sided french kiss with literally his entire face. “What’s wrong? Not enjoying our date?” 

Karkat splutters for a moment before sucking in a breath. “No, I swear it’s not. Being a teacher is so tiring. My throat hurts like a bitch. And there’s the situation with Dave adding stress. I can never fucking tell what he’s thinking. I’m usually so good that.” 

“Oh yeah? What am I thinking right now,” Terezi prompts, sitting up straighter and staring intensely at Karkat behind her red tinged glasses. 

Karkat stares back. Terezi has an easy smile on her face, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. Her nostrils keep flaring like she’s looking around. She seems at ease, but there’s a tension in her shoulders that doesn’t just come with sitting with better posture. 

“You’re stressed, but not about this. This is a break for you,” Karkat announces. “You actually enjoy going on dates with me.” 

Karkat flushes as his mind catches up to what left his mouth. Terezi smiles wide and giggles. 

“And you said you weren’t a psychic. I can smell lies, you know?” She jokes, tugging her coffee mug close. 

Karkat feels his heart swell as she smile again his way. He smiles back and mirrors her posture with little thought. A pleasant silence falls over the two as a server comes back with food and they eat. 

Karkat ordered a waffles because, fuck, waffles were good. He forwent the cherry syrup Terezi drowned her pancakes in for good old fashioned maple syrup. The only valid kind of syrup for waffles. He can excuse those who also go for the kind with the butter flavor already put in it, and can tolerate those who use other flavors, but the those goddamn people who just go fucking buck-wild when they see waffles and don’t use any syrup are unforgivable. Gamzee comes to mind, even Karkat has never caught him doing that shit. 

Terezi breaks from eating and looks, well, smells Karkat up and down. “So, how are things with your husband?” 

Karkat chokes on his food. “Goddamn, Terezi. You can’t just say that while we’re on a date.” 

The couple at the next table shoots him a dirty look. He glares back at them and they whip back around. Terezi cackles, tapping her cane against the table leg and consequently Karkat’s leg. 

“_ For your information _, Dave and I are just acquaintances in an unfortunate situation and I’m sure he feels the same,” Karkat says harshly. 

“Oh sure, sure. And Dave’s cherry red cheeks when talks about you are in total agreement, just as you said,” Terezi smirks. She rests her face on the tip of her cane. It doesn’t look comfortable. 

“You and Dave talk?” Karkat asks, eyebrows raised in genuine surprise. 

“Hell yeah, us cool kids gotta bitch about our significant other together. We meet up once in a while and talk online a lot,” Terezi reveals. 

He throws up his hands, exasperated. “What the fuck, Terezi? When did this start? And what do you even say about me? It’s a given at this point that I’m grumpy. You can’t use that against me at this point.” 

Terezi laughs again. “We talk about lots of things besides you Karkat. Dave mostly talks about how your nose is boopable and it’s unfair that he doesn’t have the privilege that I do.” She punctuates her sentence by reaching out and completely missing his nose, coming uncomfortably close to his eye. 

He directs her finger to his nose and she grins like a loon, booping him directly on the nose that she can now find. Karkat smiles softly, feeling love well up in his heart. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I fucked up before and spelled Equius' name wrong so there's that. It has been fixed and sorry to Equius fans out there. Also, I'm so sorry for the chapter. I'm terrible at writing Terezi.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To make up for the longer wait between chapters 5 and 6, here's another very soon. So sorry for the Terezi fans.

Terezi broke up with him. It wasn’t tearful, at least not at the moment when she said she just… didn’t see him as a romantic partner anymore. He was “Friend-Shaped” according to Terezi. Karkat took it like a man and he considers them still friends. 

But he’s sitting on his couch, bucket of ice cream in between his thighs, his favorite rom com on the tv, trying not to cry. This is how he’s dealt with all breakups in the past. This is how he will continue to deal with breakups. The only breakup he plans on celebrating is getting his divorce papers signed by the Sea Mither. He sniffles and shoves another spoonful of ice-cream in his mouth.

It’s not like he knew Terezi that long. A month is not a long time for a relationship by any scale of measurement accept high schoolers; Karkat is no high schooler. He liked her so much, though. He holds back another sob. 

The doorbell rings. 

Karkat stares at it for a moment, confused. Who the hell…? He gets off the couch, blanket’s trailing behind him, as he mopes towards the door. He peers confusedly through the peephole. 

It’s fucking Dave. He’s tempted not to open the door, angry at him for some reason. It’s not fair, and he knows it. He’s not twelve so he’s not going to take it out on Dave. But the sight of his blond hair infuriates him. He’s busy stewing in his bad tasting emotional soup when Dave knocks again. It causes Karkat to jump, fumbling to open the door. 

“The fuck are you doing here?” Karkat whispers furiously. 

Dave shoulders his way into the apartment. “I heard about what happened with Terezi. You look like shit.” 

“Normal people usually follow a sentence like ‘I heard about what happened with so and so’ with a sympathy apology,” Karkat deadpans.

Dave ignores him and trucks on. “I was gonna bring pizza, but I ate it on the drive over,” Dave admits, shrugging off the coat that got them into this mess and throwing it two feet to the left of Karkat’s coat hanger. “I can order more though.” 

Karkat ignores Dave as he heads back to the couch to finish his rom com and ice cream. The blond follows him after a minute of back and forth shuffling. He sits at the edge of Karkat’s blanket nest, and hands him the ice cream tub when it’s just a little bit too far for Karkat to pathetically grope for without looking at it. 

The TV was never paused, but Karkat has seen this movie so many times now he knows exactly where he’s at. The female lead is trying to deny her attraction to the male love interest. She wants to thinks she’s in love with this other character, but he’s only half as good for her as the love interest. Karkat just wants to scream that she should get with the love interest, but she thinks they wouldn’t be compatible because of their differences. What she can't see is that it’s those differences that makes their chemistry work. They would work together so well. Like having one person love the yellow starbursts, and the other love pink. They can both finish the smallest package of starbursts if they’re lucky. 

Dave pats Karkat’s shoulder, bringing him back to reality. Karkat’s face feels warm and stings with tears. When did he start crying? 

“Do you want me to beat Terezi up?” Dave offers. 

Karkat is absolutely stunned. “What the… what the fuck?” He gives a weak, surprised laugh. “I don’t want you to beat Terezi up!” 

Dave lets out a relieved sigh. “Oh thank god. Me and Terezi are tight as shit. I dunno if I could bring myself to actually beat her up. I mean, I could probably struggle through the pain if it was for your honor. Bros before hoes, even if calling any lady a hoe is disrespectful as fuck and I’ll never do it again. God, fuck, I feel dirty now.” He pauses, leaving his hand on Karkat’s shoulder. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

Karkat shakes his head. He really doesn’t even want to think about it. “I’m over-reacting. We didn’t even know each other that long.” 

“Ok, so?” Dave says, in a comforting manor. 

“So, let’s just ignore the fact that I’m over-reacting and get on with your life!” Karkat snaps, tensing up. “Sorry. That was uncalled for.” 

Dave shrugs. “You want me to order pizza?” 

“As long as I don’t have to answer the door. Split the bill?” 

“Fuck no,” He starts, “To the second one, I mean. I’m not gonna make you pay for a pizza. Is Roxy still threatening you?” 

“She hasn’t talking to me recently,” Karkat replies. 

Dave responds by shaking his head and dialing a number queued up on his phone with a slight smile. It’s almost like he was waiting to order more pizza. Bastard. He orders half pineapple and ham and half pepperoni and Karkat makes up his mind that he’s going to strangle Strider before the night is over. 

. . .

True to his word, Dave does not let Karkat pay for the pizza. He doesn’t accept the money Karkat slaps onto the side table. He pushes Karkat back down onto the couch gently when he tries to stand and hand him the money. Dave fucking runs to the door like an idiot to make sure Karkat isn’t gonna answer the door and pay. Karkat doesn’t have the will to put in effort to chase after him. He stays a miserable bundle of sad and ice cream under the blankets while Dave jokes with the pizza delivery girl. 

Strider comes back clutching the box of pizza with such reverence Karkat could almost picture him as a holy man clutching at the holy grail. He’s also tenderly gazing at it with waaaaayy too much intensity. Karkat would be weirded out if it weren’t for the fact that this Dave he’s looking at. 

“There’s ranch in the fridge, you lawless heathen,” Karkat says, taking a slice of the pepperoni half. He’d rather die than eat pineapple on pizza, but Dave goes one step fucking further by putting ranch on an already abominable flavor of pizza. 

“Aww yiss. You truly know what I want, don’t you?” Dave responds, booking it towards the kitchen. “If Dave wants something, Detective Vantas is on the case, sniffing for clues about Dave’s deepest desires. Karkat 'hound dog' Vantas, they call you.” 

“You’re an idiot.” Karkat hears the fridge open and shudders. Fucking Strider and his weird ass tastes. 

Dave comes back into the living room. “I may be an idiot.” He sits down without finishing his sentence. 

Karkat’s less of an idiot than Dave is, and doesn’t take the bait like a chump. “Most logical thing you’ve said all day, no doubt.” 

“Awwww.” Dave pouts, popping his bottom lip out. “You’re supposed to say, ‘but?’ so I can say ‘that’s all’ and then we all laugh because of how good a joke that was.” 

Karkat glares at him from behind his slice of pizza. “You’re insufferable.” 

“I may be insufferable…” Dave says, leaning into the sentence. 

Karkat ignores him on the basis of not being able to handle this stupidity, and turns the volume up on the TV. Strider snorts and digs into his half of the pizza with the vigor of a starving man. For a moment, Karkat forgets that he's supposed to be sad. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have never had pineapple on pizza and I don't intend to start. I do like ranch on pizza though. Mmm, pizza.


	8. Chapter 8

Much to his immediate disgust, Karkat is thankful for Dave’s company that day. It made having to face the world the next day a little more bearable, and Karkat hates that. Dave is becoming a rather large part of his life. He doesn’t like being that attached to the blond douche. The days grow colder and Karkat moves on. He can finally chat with Terezi without feeling like he’s inadequate. Kanaya returns from her honeymoon with Rose. Roxy sends him an apology, old fashioned paper mail style, for threatening him about taking advantage of Dave. In the same letter, she states that the overall message of her threat, something about hurting Dave in anyway, still stands and no power on earth can change that (Karkat asks her over text if that was a _ Maleficent _ reference. She hasn’t seen _ Maleficent _. Karkat vows to one day rectify that). Life settles into a normal routine. 

Thanks to fucking E-learning, he doesn’t have most of the day off, like the students do, on the first snow day of the year (it comes so fucking early. One would think with global warming winter would be later. It's fucking not. Of course doesn't snow again for an ass long time after that). He has to grade what they turn in from home on his computer. All 153 assignments. Dave texts him all day, sending stupid memes and making small talk (small talk for Dave is rambling on and on with or without Karkat’s input). To Karkat’s knowledge, colleges didn’t cancel, so Dave must be talking to him in class. Which is stupid because he should be paying attention, but when Karkat tells him that Dave assures him he’s talking notes and texting. How he’s doing it? Karkat doesn’t know. 

A total of eighteen times this one kid throws up at school. Karkat swears he’s doing it on purpose, because no one throws up _ that fucking much _. Another student ate crayons, while making eye contact with Karkat, and asked to go to the nurse. He couldn’t deny the poor student because she looked like she was going to die of food poisoning. The class ass kisser tried to butter Karkat up with homemade fresh cookies after doing bad on a test. Karkat took the bribe but didn’t raise his grade. The cookies were delicious. He’s caught four kids cheating already, each getting increasingly more desperate. These are high school level kids. What the fuck. 

Fall break roles around and Karkat is once again at the grocery store, pulling random shit into his cart because he didn’t learn from his fucking mistakes and forgot a list again. He’s contemplating why the hell oatmeal is called hot cereal when a loud squealing catches his attention. 

“Karkaaaaaat!” a familiar voice shouts. 

He turns. “Jade?” 

He’s immediately swallowed by a green and brown blur, and crushed in really fucking strong arms. Jade picks him up and spins; his foot wacks into his cart. The afflicted area begins to throb and his eyes water for a moment. Jade is still spinning. 

“No. Ow. NO! Put me the fuck-!!!” She crushes him harder and Karkat did not know it was possible for his body to make that noise. He squeezes in a breath. “No, Jade. Bad dog. Bad.” 

She sets him down with a sheepish grin. “Sorry. I was just so excited to see you again! It’s been so long. How are you? How’s teaching? I heard that you got into some trouble with a selkie, what’s up with that?” 

Rapid fire questions are thankfully something Karkat is used to, or he would be completely bulldozed by Jade’s enthusiasm. He answers, “I’m good, teaching is good, and I am accidentally married to a selkie. How have you been?” 

Jade gasps. “Who cares!? You accidentally married a selkie? I thought you were dating Terezi?” Jade says, tilting her head in confusion. 

Karkat feels his heart twinge a little. “Uh, well. Not really anymore. She broke up with me. NOT because I accidentally married a selkie.” 

Jade stops looking so murderous when Karkat assures her that Terezi and him are still friends and he would very much like his friend not to be mauled to death. 

“Well that sucks,” she says after a moment. 

The air feels thick and awkward. Jade shuffles from foot to foot like she has to pee. Karkat stares just over her left shoulder to avoid eye contact. The music in the store is faint and far away, some kind of pop song from the radio. 

“How long will you be in town for?” Karkat asks, just to break the god awful silence. 

Jade brightens up. “Just for fall break. I leave in two days. Jake’s grandma isn’t do too well at the moment, so I’m stepping in to help a little at the cafe.” 

“Oh shit really? Grandma English is sick?” This is news to Karkat. Jake hasn’t been very talkative lately, and he guesses this is why. 

“She’ll pull through. It’s just a cold, not the end of the world,” Jade reassures. “She’ll be back on her feet before I’m gone, Harley Guarantee.” 

“Speaking of old people, how’s your grandpa?” Karkat asks. 

Jade shrugs. “He’s off exploring the world at the moment. I think he’s trying to climb Mount Everest. He offered Jake a spot on the trip, but Jake was too busy.” 

Her phone suddenly dings and drags her attention away from Karkat. She looks up at him after reading the message on the screen. “Speaking of Jake,” she starts, once again looking sheepish. “I may or may not have abandoned him when I saw you, and now he’s wondering where I am. I’m gonna…” 

Karkat nods as she jerks her thumb in the direction behind her. “Go find your dorky cousin. I’ll make sure to text you more often.” 

“Keep me in the loop, ya hear? I wanna know shit,” she shouts from the end of the isle. 

“Of course! Tell Jake I said ‘hi’.” Karkat shouts back. 

She shoots him a thumbs up, then she’s gone. Karkat is left to go back to contemplating why oatmeal is called hot cereal. Cereal isn’t even close to boiled oats with sugar and shit. 

Later, at home, Karkat texts Jade about the whole predicament he's in with Dave. She’s a “take no shit” kind of motivator and it’s exactly what Karkat needs at the moment. Some pure, gritty optimism. She assures him that the Sea Mither will definitely break the marriage. She even offers to chip in and help him pay for his ticket with a small portion of what Grandma English left for her and her grandpa to use. It's a stupidly massive amount of money because Grandma English used to own a company as big, if bigger than Apple. She’s loaded and owns the island the Harleys' live on. Karkat declines because she shouldn’t have to be dragged into his bullshit. Jade tells him if he calls it bullshit one more time, she’s going to break into his house and kick his ass. She’s such a good friend. 

She lets him vent about Dave and how absolutely weird he is. She tells him it sounds like they’re really good friends if Karkat is actually putting effort into insulting him and that throws Karkat for a loop. Is he really friends with Dave? The person who he’s supposed to be getting a divorce with? For some reason, he’s less perturbed about that than he was a few weeks ago. Something warm settles deep in his gut. He spends the rest of fall break chit chatting and sharing funny stories about kids. 

Karkat gives his students an assignment on grammar when they get back. Most of them suck at it, and one kid keeps making every write-your-own sentence about Taco Bell for some reason. It’s been making him hungry all day for Taco Bell. Almost subconsciously, he texts Dave about getting tacos later. The man could not be happier to go and get food, and several paragraphs of agreement later Karkat gets the point. He smiles as he reads through it while packing up. 

With his reading glasses safely tucked away into a case, he starts his car to go pick up Dave. The drive is kind of out of the way and he passes the Taco Bell once before reaching Dave’s place. He’s sitting on the curb, the sunlight glinting off his shades and illuminating his pale skin. Karkat rolls to in front of him. 

“Get in, loser. We’re going shopping,” Karkat says with a smile. 

“Really? Mean Girl quotes? Our relationship has reached that level?” Dave answers. "Mister Vantas! So scandalous. Dinner and a movie first, I insist.” 

“I mean, we can catch a cheep movie if we speed eat Taco Bell, but I’m not sure my colon can take that.” He leans over and opens the door for Dave. “But seriously, I’m starving. I spent lunch grading papers so I wouldn’t have to do it after work.” 

Dave sits down and closes the door, but Karkat doesn’t move. 

“Seat belt,” Karkat reminds. 

“Ugh. What are you, my mom?” Dave says as he begrudgingly pulls the belt over his torso. 

Karkat doesn’t dignify his stupidity with a response. He pulls back into the street and makes a u-turn. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love writing two characters being stupid. It's like chicken noodle soup for my soul.   
Also, since i can't get a tumblr blog, here's my own website i'm using as a blog: www.just-a-simple-cactus.simplesite.com  
Come have fun with me and read about the caterpillars I'm raising.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking anywhere between 12 and 15 chapter total for this fic, but that might change.

The two of them sit in Karkat’s car with their orders in their respective laps. The sun is low in the sky, tinting everything in a rich golden-orange tinge. Dave slobbers down three tacos in under ten minutes. He’s just finishing the last one when Karkat is halfway through his chalupa. 

Karkat swallows the bite in his mouth. “That’s fucking impressive, Dave.” 

“I know, right? First time I tried it I got sick. But it was food poisoning, not over eating. The Taco Bell down in Houston wasn’t exactly the most sanitary,” Dave admits. 

“Houston? Did you live there?” 

“Correct. I grew up there. Ding ding ding. We have a winner here. He gets a prize!” 

Karkat snorts. “You’re so childish.” 

Dave stills for a moment. “Actually… I do have something for you.” 

“What?” Karkat raises an eyebrow. “Fuck, was I supposed to bring something too?

“Nah, you’re good. Just, uh. Pick a hand.” 

Dave holds out his fists, palm up. Karkat glances between both for a minute. What is Dave up to? Karkat can’t help but smile in a confused way. 

“Ok. Uh. Left,” Karkat says, tapping the left fist. 

His hand opens and in the palm is a game token. “Wanna go to the arcade down the street?” Dave asks. 

“I’m 28... Of fucking course I want to go to the arcade. Your ass is grass, Strider. I grew up with a video game master for a friend. I had to be somewhat decent to retain any of my dignity,” Karkat says, with an air of confidence that’s well deserved. Sure, he lost to Sollux every time, but he beat Vriska on many occasions, which is an accomplishment in and of its own. 

“Once I spent three days living out of an arcade. I beat every high score, and lost an entire year’s worth of allowance quarters in an hour,” Dave says simply, waving a hand to emphasize his point. 

“Jesus fuck, Dave,” Karkat responds. 

“I know, right!?” 

Karkat’s laugh fills the car.

. . .

The smell of pizza sauce and grease washes over Karkat as he opens the door. The sounds of the arcade come flooding out of the open door as he holds it for his blond friend against the cold wind. Dave ducks under Karkat’s arm, pulling him along after stepping in with a slight smile. 

“Welcome to the only arcade that allows anyone over 21 in!” He introduces, arms spread wide in an ‘observe this’ kind of gesture. “I’ve been coming here since I was fifteen. Any game with a high score name of ASS was me.” 

“As always, your maturity is astounding,” Karkat teases. He unzips his coat in the heat of the building. 

“Come on, I’ll show you how to cheat at a few of my favorite games,” Dave says tugging Karkat deeper into the rows of games. 

He takes Karkat to an old style two man Pac Man game. Karkat loses within five minutes. 

“God fucking dammit,” He curses as he loses again. “What the fuck, Dave? Did you just clip through a wall?” 

Dave grins. “Hell yeah. There’s a glitch in the coding of this one that makes this entire section…” He gestures to a section of walling that seems solid. “Is passable if you jimmy the stick right.” 

“No shit Sherlock, you demonstrated that clearly. What’s the secret to the jimmy?” Karkat asks. 

“Ok, ok, so like, you gotta go gently with an up and down at a slight angle,” He answers. 

“Like this?” Karkat moves his icon into the section Dave indicated and jimmies the handle a little bit. Nothing happens. 

“No, no. You going too diagonal,” Dave corrects. 

He reaches a hand across to put it over Karkat’s on the joystick. It’s incredibly warm, if a little sweaty. Karkat can’t help but stare at the pale digits when they close around his own much darker ones. He glances back up at Dave, feeling his cheeks heat up.  Dave seems to recognize what he’s doing and freezes for a moment. Their eyes meet through Dave’s shades. He’s close enough to Karkat’s face that he can see his own reflection in the mirrored surface. Dave breaths out and it Karkat can smell the taco on his breath. It’s not pleasant, but this closeness is nice, so he doesn’t say anything. 

“Like this,” Dave says after a moment, so quiet Karkat can barely hear him over the sounds of the other games. 

Dave’s eyes dip down to the game, but Karkat keeps watching him for a moment more. He’s blushing, cheeks flushed pink. Dave’s hand moves and Karkat tears his eyes from the blush on his cheeks and down to the game. 

Strider, in his infinite wisdom, jimmies the handle  _ just so _ and the little Mrs. Pac Man slide right through the wall. 

“Voila,” Dave breaths out. 

Karkat can’t think of a response. The lights of the arcade aren’t exactly bright, but what little light there is highlights Dave’s cheeks. He looks incredibly handsome… No. Handsome is the wrong word. Handsome implies that he’s put together, implies that he’s perfect. He’s far from it, sitting in an arcade and teaching Karkat how to cheat at Pac Man. He’s better described as stunning. Dave is stunning. And it makes Karkat’s stomach flip. Dave looks like he wants to say something for a moment before it fades from his face. He takes his hand back and ducks his head, looking to the side. 

“Dave,” Karkat says. 

Dave’s head whips back up. “Can I kiss you?” 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I have edited this chapter to be much, much longer and up to my standards. This is the edited version people are seeing if they are new to reading this fanfiction.

Karkat sucks in a breath. His eyes flick down to Dave’s lips and his own mouth suddenly feels dry. His stomach flip flops. He swallows roughly. 

And then something clicks in his mind. He wants to kiss Dave, but he really shouldn’t. In less than two months they won’t have a reason to keep seeing each other. This could make everything incredibly awkward. Then again. Dave is nibbling his bottom lip, teeth tugging the reddening flesh this way and that way. Karkat has never wanted to kiss someone so much. 

Shit, he is overthinking this way too much, goddamnit Dave is backing away. He’s got less than five seconds to decide. Fuck it. 

“Please,” Karkat says, hating the desperate waver in his tone. 

Dave’s lips crash into Karkat’s, and he pushes back against him. The game table presses into Karkat’s hips. Dave’s lips are cool against his own, slightly chapped. He taste like nachos. _ When the hell did Dave get nachos? _ Dave moves his lips against Karkat’s with gusto. Karkat falls into the rhythm, tilting his face so they fit better together. Warmth blooms in Karkat’s chest as his hand meets Dave’s where it rests on the game. 

Dave slides off his seat, lips still glued to Karkat’s, and crowds him back into the machine. His tongue slips through Karkat’s lips and Karkat starts for a moment. Dave breaks it off and Karkat gasps, cheeks hotter than the Sahara desert. They both seem to be at a loss for words. It’s a rather magical moment. That is until the sounds of the arcade rush back in, and the sounds of other people. 

“Too much?” He asks, so shy instead of the cool kid facade he puts on. He makes a face that has Karkat yearning to get rid of. 

“Holy shit, that was amazing,” Karkat says to placate.. 

“That’s my line, asshole,” Dave replies.

The rest of the night a blur. The only thing Karkat can remember clearly is that Dave would not fucking stop holding his hand. It was well into the night when they left, shivering in the chilly air. Karkat dropped Dave off with a dopey smile on his face. 

“I’ll text you in the morning,” He shouted from the door to his apartment complex. 

“I have to get up early for a teachers meeting. It’s better if you don’t. Text me after work,” Karkat shouted back. 

He drove away before he could hear Dave’s answer, rolling up the window to protect from snowflakes that started to fall. The new moon cast no light. Maybe, Karkat thought, we should cancel the divorce trip. 

Winter break approaches waaaaaay too fast, in Karkat’s professional opinion. Dave and Karkat have only gone on one date since the arcade, and he really doesn’t want what they have to end. But at the same time, if Dave meets someone else, or decides Karkat just isn’t for him, he should be free to choose whoever he wants to spend his life with. It’s no surprise that Dave would eventually find something better than Karkat. Dave is a literal god compared to Karkat. He’s a mythical creature, both literally and figuratively. 

Ah shit, he’s entering that stage in a relationship where he gets super insecure about it. It’s been the regular pattern since high school, when he compared his relationships to romance books. If they weren’t exactly as it said in the book then he was doing something wrong. It took him a long time to figure it out. His older brother’s boyfriend used to tease him about it. Then his older brother would scold him for making fun of Karkat’s coping methods. 

But now he’s standing in an airport, clutching a ticket Dave thrust into his free hand and holding in the other his luggage handle. There are so many people here at this time of day, and the only thing keeping him with the whole Strilonde group is Dave’s iron grip on his elbow. 

Dave is keeping a running commentary on everything he sees, from the coffee shop prices, to the people passing by. Nothing escapes his joking criticism. 

“Uh oh, anti-vaxxer alert,” Dave whispers in his ear. “Ten o'clock” 

Karkat glances in the direction Dave directed, but can’t see anyone that sticks out. “How do you know?” 

“Mid 50’s, six kids, Karen hair cut, has a sticker on her luggage proclaiming the ‘ok boomer’ movement is a hate crime. It looks homemade. Probably thinks that essential oils can cure her kids of anything,” Dave spews. 

Now he can see her, standing in a frankly outrageous amount of children. He snorts, trying to hold in his amusement. Dave is so right. There is no way any of those children aren’t walking small-pox blankets. He jumps when a hand slips into his own, turning his gaze look at Dave. Dave smiles gently and adoringly. Karkat can't help but mimic his sentiment and returns the look of fondness. 

Boarding the flight is stressful. This marks the first time Karkat has gone past security in an airport. He’s picked up Kanaya from her yearly group meeting with all the coven leaders. He’s dropped Jade off for her flights back to her fuckall big private island. But he’s never been on one himself. He tightens his grip on Dave’s hand as his heart flutters in his chest. He’s a lot more nervous than he’d like to admit. 

“You ok, dude?” Dave asks. 

Karkat gives him a nervous smile. “Yeah. First time flying.” 

“Shit really? You’re gonna enjoy flying first class,” Dave says with a smile. 

“Fucking first class, Dave? What the hell?” Karkat shout whispers. 

Dave smiles and breaks away from Karkat to give a gaudy bow. “The plush seats that absolutely cushion plush rumps await, fair lady.” 

“Dooork,” Karkat drawls, flicking him the head. “But seriously, you didn’t have to do this.” 

“Sure, but I wanted to. Besides everyone else is in first class, we couldn’t leave you behind,” Dave admits, rubbing his forehead slightly. 

“Well, I can thank you enough, I just don’t want to,” Karkat replies. “Lead the way.” 

“What’s the magic word?” 

“Fuck you.” 

Dave lowers his shades for a moment to look him in the eyes. “Are you sure? I’m free for the next three days.” 

Karkat flushes extremely red and steps gently on Dave’s toe when first class is waved forward. He just laughs, the opposite of what Karkat expected and puts a hand on Karkat’s lower back. 

The seats are plush, and reclinable. There’s a TV built into every chair and tables for drinks and other stuff. Also, there’s fucking no one here yet. Dave guides Karkat into sitting next to him and pulls out a pack of gum. He puts on some animated TV show while Karkat pulls out a romance novel to enjoy. It’s a long flight and he has been dying to read this one for a while now. The world narrows down to what’s on the pages and what’s in his head. 

One of the flight attendants catches his attention to offer him drinks. He politely declines and continues reading. Dave gets increasingly agitated as the flight continues, his knee bumping into Karkat’s on more than one occasion. 

“Are you a nervous flyer, Dave,” he asks, a little exasperated at his reading being interrupted by Dave’s knee careening into his for the fifth time. 

“Do you think we’re doing the right thing? Getting a divorce, I mean?” Dave asks very quietly. 

“What do you mean?” He asks, closing his book and turning slightly to face Dave. 

“I mean, do you really truly think we should do this? We’re already in a relationship, why not just wait to buy rings or something?” Dave clarifies. 

“While I admire your faith that this relationship won’t end before we want to actually get married, I have to be realistic. This is the butterfly phase, Dave. What if you end up not liking me after the initial giddy feelings end? It’s happened to better men than me. Besides, I don’t really want to get married to anyone. It’s expensive and completely outdated,” Karkat explains. “But if we’re still together, and we think about marriage, then it’ll be our choice, not some random chance that made us get married. We get to decide what our relationship is.” 

“Ok, number one, I don’t think I’ll ever lose interest in you, babe. Number two, I’m cool with never actually getting married as well. And three, you make a good point about the whole choice thing,” Dave says. 

“Please stroke my ego off more often. It’ll definitely get you the places you want to go a hell of a lot faster,” Karkat advises. 

“Noted,” Dave utters. 

“Are you feeling better about this now?” Karkat asks, refusing to go back to his book until he’s sure he’s pruned this from the garden at the stem (let it be known Karkat has no idea how gardening works). 

Dave nods. “Love you.” 

“Love you too, hon,” Karkat replies while thumbing back to his spot in the book. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi SUPER IMPORTANT: CHAPTER 10 HAS BEEN EXTREMELY EDITED. IT'S IMPORTANT THAT YOU REREAD IT IF YOU HAVEN'T.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry it's been super long. School is kicking my ass. I have to finish the rough draft of a whole ass novella in like two weeks. I gotta write up a character chart thing for a book. they are piling stuff on for us to do over thanksgiving break.   
fair warning; it might be a long wait for the next chapter. Key word on might. depends on how things go.

It takes Karkat a moment to realize that this was the first moment he’s actually told Dave he loves him, to his face rather than over text. Dave seems to agree and they share the comical surprised blushing virgin look for a moment before Karkat relaxes and leans slightly against his lover. 

Karkat falls asleep halfway through the flight, head drooping onto Dave’s shoulder, book near slipping out of his fingers. Dave catches it, never losing the page, and sliding a piece of random paper to keep it that way. 

He’s shaken awake by Roxy surprisingly, who is squealing in a rather loud manner. How it was that sound, the high pitched whine that could be mistaken for a mosquito at an uncomfortably close distance, that didn’t wake him first is a mystery to him. A hell of a mystery, one might say (that one is Dave. Dave would say that). 

“Are you two together? Like, actually together together? Not just faking it for the sake of the marriage?” Roxy mock whispers. 

Dave carries on sleeping, somehow. 

“How the fuck did you not catch on? I gushed about him to you three days before the trip,” Karkat says as an answer. 

Roxy does a little jig for a moment, saying “Oh my god I knew it! Dirk owes me like, fifty bucks. And Jake owes me a hundred and three! You have made me a very happy, slightly richer lady, Karkat.” 

Karkat sticks his tongue out at her. “Go fuck yourself and your stupid bets.” 

Roxy had already walked away, heading for the other side of first class. She moved like a woman on a mission, a mission to get paid for her faith in Dave’s taste in guys. Karkat couldn’t help but laugh softly. She totally had the unfair advantage of knowing that Dave thought Karkat was cute. The pilot interrupts the moment by announcing that the are going to be landing soon, and everyone should buckle up and remain seated until the light goes off. Karkat wakes Dave and relays the message to him. 

They land without a problem, arriving at the airport. It’s beginning to snow, as seen from the windows. Dave fidgets the whole time through customs, his eyes seem to be… glowing, every so slightly, from behind his glasses. He stands straighter, none of the usual slouch in the shoulders he has. It’s puzzling for Karkat. It’s almost like glimpsing behind the facade Dave likes to parade around behind. Karkat makes a note to ask him later, when they’re in private. For now he’s going to have to deal with watching Dave twiddle his thumbs through security. 

Dinner takes place soon after. It’s more like a late lunch, but who’s keeping track? Certainly not Karkat’s stomach, which has been rumbling for about an hour now and he’s starting to consider how tasty the leather shoes would be from the security line. They rent two cars for the time being, Dave literally slapping Karkat’s hand away from his wallet to help pay. 

He also pays for lunchdinner, which Karkat is not surprised. Dave did say he wouldn’t make him pay for the trip. Karkat buys Dave something at the gift shop as a thank you.

Karkat sits next to Dave for dinnerlunch, feeling Dave’s knee bounce against his own. Dave keeps his hands under the table for most of the meal. Even so, Karkat can tell he’s fidgeting. Dave looks troubled when handed the menu, almost listless. Karkat orders something that sounds like pizza. 

“Hey bro, you ok?” Dirk asks. 

From under the table Dave’s leg stops moving for a moment. 

“Yeah. I think I’ve left my coat off for too long though,” Dave answers. 

“I think the hotel we booked has a pool. You can stretch out there, it’s supernatural friendly,” Dirk assure. 

Karkat doesn’t comment, even though he has a hell of a lot of questions. Dave gives him a side glance from behind his shades, then proceeds to wiggle his eyebrows suggestively. Dave’s foot immediately starts tracing circles on his shin. Karkat flushes and chokes on his food, kicking Dave’s leg as he coughs. Dave thumps him in the back. 

“You fucking suck,” Karkat rasps, glaring at Dave and trying to catch his breath. 

Everyone else look kind of confused. 

"Not you, Dirk. Dave's being an ass," Karkat clarrifies. 

Dave fake gasps, "Well I never! The nerve! Me? An ass? Never!" 

Karkat kicks him in the shins again. 

. . .

The hotel is so fucking cold. Apparently, that’s an international thing and Karkat can’t stand it. He’s always run warmer than most. The cold is an insult to his existence and shouldn’t exist. Karkat turns off the AC as soon as he’s set his bags down, shivering in the cold. 

“Weak,” Dave comments from where he lay sprawled out across the bed. The only bed, Karkat might add. Looks like a really close night for them. This is definitely Dave’s doing. One hundred percent. 

“If you would like to die of hypothermia, be my fucking guest,” Karkat calls back. He presses a few buttons, maybe the thing will dispense heat instead of the arctic winds. Too bad it’s not labeled in English. 

Dave snorts. “I was thinking about heading down to the pool. Wanna join?” 

“I didn’t bring a swimsuit.” 

“Then bring a book and watch me swim,” Dave suggests. 

Karkat meets Dave’s eyes. “If I bring a book, there is no way in hell I’m gonna be watching you swim. I’d also be incredibly worried about my book getting wet.” 

“Oh come on, I’m not Egbert. I don’t pull shitty pranks for fun. Please?” He begs, sliding his body around on the bed to face Karkat, hands clasped together in a praying motion. 

“You won’t take no for an answer will you?” Karkat sighs. 

“Only if that no is to sex. Consent is hot.” 

Karkat gives Dave a look before shaking his head. Best not to question what goes through his boyfriend’s head. “Fuck. Fine. Lemme find my novel.” 

. . .

Dave stands at the edge of the pool. It’s completely devoid of other people, the only other sound echoing in the room is Karkat turning the pages of his book and the lapping of barely moving water against the sides of the pool. The water is crystal clear. Karkat finds his place, the book mark going squarely in the back of the book for safe keeping. 

“Did you save my place for me?” He asks for a moment, not remembering if he did it before he passed out on the plane. 

“Yeah,” Dave answers. He sounds distracted. Around his arm is the coat that started the whole mess, neatly folded. 

“Are you gonna get in, or just stare at the water?” Karkat asks. The smell of chlorine burns his nose a little, along with the smell of wet towels. 

Dave doesn’t answer, instead turning halfway to face Karkat, swinging the coat out to unfold it and dropping straight into the water. He hits the surface with an impressive splash. Karkat winces. It looks like a reverse belly flop, and can’t have felt good. Something decidedly darker than Dave’s fair skin and hair swims through the pool, startling him. Karkat closes his book for a moment, standing to get a better look. 

It’s a seal. Of fucking course it’s a seal dummy, Karkat thinks to himself. Dave’s a fucking selkie, what else would it be? The president? 

Dave does a few quick laps before surfacing to breathe, snorting through his nose. He swims closer to Karkat, the water rippling out around him. Karkat crouches next to the pool, trying to avoid getting his clothes wet. 

“Hey,” He says to the seal. 

The seal turns to him, bright red eyes that remind him of Dave intensely helps to tether him to the idea that this is Dave. Not just some random ass seal. 

“This water is chlorinated. It won’t hurt you right?” Karkat asks. 

The seal just stares at him. The smell of wet dog takes over the chlorine smell. 

“Oh right. You probably can’t talk. Ok. uh. Yes or no system. One something for no, two somethings for yes. You decide what,” Karkat spews. 

Honestly? This is a little awkward for Karkat. His boyfriend is currently a seal, with no method of intelligent communication. Who is currently spinning around in a circle in the water like a dumbass. But it’s still his boyfriend. Not to mention the entire situation is weird. He’s been pretty much dragged into coming to Scotland, to get a divorce with his boyfriend, who is, to reiterate, a seal at the moment. 

Has he mentioned Dave is a seal? 

“You are a strange person, Dave Strider,” Karkat mutters. 

Dave barks out some seal noises, and Karkat almost laughs. Almost. 

. . .

When Dave hauls his seal body back on land, he does some short of shimmy motion and then pulls off his now bright red sweatshirt, pretty much becoming human in the blink of an eye. The first think Karkat notices is that Dave is also naked. Very naked. His eye roam for a second as he stand in shock. 

“Jesus Christ, Dave!” He suddenly shouts, shoving his book over his eyes. 

“What?” There’s a pause. “Wha-Oh. Shit! Sorry! Ok, I’m relatively decent.” 

Dave is clutching the hoodie around his privates, keeping them hidden from the world. 

“Grab me a towel?” He implores. “If I go anywhere, this is no guarantee that I won’t get arrested for indecency.” 

“Holy fuck, anything to avoid that,” Karkat squeaks out, blushing to red. 

He scurries over to where the towels are kept. Handing them to Dave is incredibly awkward as they both blush furiously. Dave probably more so than Karkat. 

“Sorry,” Dave utters, at least having the decency to look ashamed. “Forgot.” 

“You forgot? That you end up naked? Or that it’s too early in this relationship for me to see your dick?” Karkat asks. 

“Uh… yes?” 

“Go put some fucking clothes on.” 

Dave solutes with one hand. "Yes-sir!" 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry this took so long. I turned in the rough draft of my book this week to my creative writing teacher. It was stressful. And now I have a peer editor so that's fun. Anyways, hope you enjoy. it's kind of a shorter chapter, sorry. The climax is next chapter and then I'm thinking about an epilogue. This chapter is a filler chapter featuring Roxy! Have fun.   
also: I have never been to scotland. I've never even left the US. I have no idea what happens in scotland.

Karkat woke early in the morning, the rosy dawn light filtering through the curtains. Dave snored beside him, arms loosely around Karkat’s waist. He’s very warm and Karkat doesn’t really want to get up. So he doesn’t. He lets himself blink slowly in the hotel room, breathing in sync with the man behind him, avoiding thinking about the trip ahead of him. 

They’re gonna be driving to a scenic viewing spot. The Gloup. Jane says this is the place that it’s possible to find the Sea Mother. You just have to try hard enough. How fucking ominous. What is it with magical beings and intent? Why can’t they just have business hours like other normal monsters? 

Dave snuggles a little closer. Karkat fails at not thinking about the trip. He has no idea how to summon the Sea Mother. If it doesn’t work, he’ll be stuck married to Dave. And while that isn’t exactly unappealing, it’s not ideal or practical for anything but taxes. 

There’s a knock at the door, startling Karkat. Dave grunts softly, but doesn’t wake up. Karkat has a moment of blanking out, not actually acknowledging that a knock at the door means he has to get up and go get it. When it clicks, he carefully extracts himself from Dave’s grip and makes his way to the door. 

Roxy’s on the other side. “Ok I figured both of you would still be asleep, but Dirk and Jake are headed out for a little sightseeing. I figured I would invite the two of you out with me. If you wanna let Dave sleep in, we could go ahead and go anyways.” 

Karkat blinks at her, confused. It’s too early for this. “What?” 

“Sightseeing. Get dressed, I’m dragging you out,” Roxy whisper-shouts. 

“Sure, fine,” Karkat sighs out. “Five minutes.” 

He closes the door and shuffles into his room. Ruffling through his suitcase he finds a decent coat and sweatpants. No way in hell is he wearing jeans on his ‘vacation’, no matter how good they make his ass look. He gently shakes Dave awake for a few seconds to tell him where he’s going and give him a goodbye kiss. He’s snoring again before Karkat can even get out of the door. 

Roxy is leaning against the wall, her hands around a two steaming to go cups. She looks Karkat’s way, almost forcing one of the cups into his hand. “Coffee! Enjoy. I got peppermint hot coco. They have a Keurig machine in the lobby guests are allowed to use.” 

“Oh thank fucking god,” Karkat murmurs quickly, knocking back a decent amount of coffee on the first sip. 

It’s cold outside, and there are clouds scattered in the sky. It’s humid out, despite how cold it is. This town they’re in isn’t exactly a tourist attraction spot, but it’s got some decent shops along the street. The whole place smells strongly of the ocean, which isn’t weird considering it’s about a ten-fifteen minute drive from the nearest beach. Scotland is so fucking small compared to New York. Fifteen minutes in New York gets you six feet with the traffic. 

Karkat stares up at the sky for a moment. Today is the day he will divorce Dave. Ugh. This is something that he wants to do, right? So why does he feel so… awkward about it. His chest feels a little tight, almost like he gonna lose something. It’s stupid, just because he and Dave getting a divorce, doesn’t mean that he and Dave will stop dating. Right? Dave isn’t just going to drop him after this. It’s not what Dave is like. Still, he can’t shake the feeling that things are going to change drastically. 

Roxy drags him into most shops they pass, getting a random collection of things. She’s found a tiny stone carved like a cat that she bought the moment she saw it. Karkat saw a weird pair of shades and bought them for Dave. He bough himself one of those commemorative key chains he knows will never get within five feet of his actual keys, and a magnet he’s destined to lose before the end of the trip. He’s placing his bets on where he’ll lose it though. Be it the hotel, the airport, the plane itself, or in his baggage. Roxy get’s in on it too. She thinks he’ll lose it in his baggage. Karkat thinks it won’t even make it to his baggage. It’s a shame, it cost him the equivalent of 3 US dollars. 

They ate lunch at a quaint little seafood restaurant down the street from the hotel. Karkat had lobster. It was pretty uneventful for the most part. They returned to the hotel around 1 o'clock. 

“You seem kind of morose,” Roxy asks as she pushes open the door. 

Karkat gives her a startled look. “I’m not morose. Who the hell uses morose outside of writing anyways? Just ask me if I’m sad, dammit. I’m not, to answer that question. I’m just thinking.” 

“Thinking about sad things?” Roxy asks, tilting her head playfully. 

Karkat gives her an incredulous look. “Fuck no. I can think about things without them being sad.” 

“Well, sure, but not with that face. If it’s not sad things then it’s serious things. Talk to me, Karkat,” Roxy commands. “Not communicating is the number one causer of problems in fan fiction.” 

“Oh my god. Fine,” Karkat sighs out. “I guess I just don’t know how to feel about divorcing Dave. Like, I know we’ll still be dating and all, but it feels like something’s going to change. I… I don’t. I guess I don’t want it to change.” 

“Oh come on,” Roxy says. “Dave is not the kind of guy to leave someone after he’s met them. Once he gets attached you’re in his life forever.” 

Karkat smiles slightly. “He’d never admit that, even to me.” 

“No." She corrects. "He would. He trusts you more than I think he even trusts me,” Roxy admits. 

Karkat’s eyebrows go up. Dave really trusts him that much? Wow. He did not know that. At all. She pats him on the shoulder. 

“Well, I’m headed back to my room till Dirk and Jake get back. Then we head out,” Roxy informs him. 

Karkat nods distractedly and she walks away. He stands in the lobby, holding his phone in one hand and another coffee in the other, wondering why the hell Dave would trust him more than he trusts his own family. 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end is nigh, wait fuck nigh means soon. The end is here. This is the last chapter before the epilogue.

Karkat decides to think nothing of it (accept that he doesn’t. He thinks so much of it, always and forever. It’s just pushed to the back of his mind right now. More pressing matter and all). 

He finds Dave in the pool, not as a seal, floating there and staring up at the ceiling. He’s got his shades on, for some reason or another that’s probably ironic. Karkat’s shoes squeak against the damp floor as he walks up to the edge. 

“Hey, Dave. I’m back,” He calls out. 

Dave flicks a hand in the water until he’s turned around. It takes several minutes, filled with awkward silence for this to happen. All of which Karkat is staring at him with a weird look on his face. 

“Sup,” He says when he’s finally facing Karkat. 

Karkat tries to see all that trust Roxy talked about in Dave, and surprisingly doesn’t have trouble finding it. It’s in his posture, the way he slightly smiles at the sight of Karkat, the little trusting bit of emotion that he shows on a daily basis. Karkat can’t help but smile back. “When Jake and Dirk get back from sightseeing we’re gonna head up to the Gloup.” 

“Awesome name,” Dave inputs. 

“And then I don’t know whats going to happen. Roxy still hasn’t told me how to summon the Sea Queen.” 

“Sea Mother, and she’ll be there. This is technically her break time,” Dave interrupts. Just a little bit quieter, in a tone that conveys deep confusion and a little fear, he adds “I can feel the energy here. It’s weird considering I’ve never been good at picking up on a places vibes, but like. I can feel it. And I can feel  _ her _ . It’s like she’s waiting because she knows we have business with her.” 

Damn, Karkat thinks. That’s gotta be weird. “Well, I’m sure it’ll go fine. And if it doesn’t, I promise we’ll still be dating.” 

“Are you sure,” Dave starts, tilting his glasses down to reveal his burning red eyes. “That you still want to date the guy who made you fly all the way out to Scotland over Christmas break? You know, most people would rather spend this with family.” 

“Who says I’m not?” Karkat counters. “Spending it with family, I mean. Dave, I love you, and silly things such as flying out of the country can’t gonna change that. To put it lightly, your stuck with at least my friendship.” 

Dave, for once, is silent. 

. . .

The Gloup is surprisingly quiet. There’s only one other person, a middle aged woman with a camera, taking photos of the waves below. Karkat can see why it’s a scenic place. Well. It would be if not for the snow on the ground and whispers in his ear. It might be the wind. But then again, the wind sometimes whispered back in New York, so it might be both. 

Dave comes to stand next to him. “We’re doing this. We’re making it happen.” 

“I feel like that’s a reference but I don’t know what it’s from,” Karkat comments. “But yeah sure, we’re doing this… We’re making it happen. You know, I always thought that if I ever did get a divorce it would be a lot bigger of a deal.” 

“Are you kidding me? We flew out to Scotland for this divorce. Like on a plane. I don’t know how much more of a big deal it could get.” 

Karkat shrugs at him, turning his eyes to the scene in front of him. The snow shifts in the blowing breeze and he shivers. Of course two sweaters and a jacket wouldn’t be enough for his warm blooded ass. 

Behind them another rental car pulls up and three sets of feet crunch the gravel on the road. Roxy stands on the other side of Karkat, her hair blowing from beneath her winter hat. 

“So, good news and bad news,” She starts. “Janey couldn’t find any way to summon the Sea Mither. She called Callie, who said that Dave would know.” 

“Who’s Callie?” Karkat asks. 

Roxy leans forward to look at Karkat. “Me and Janey’s girlfriend. She’s what you could consider the expert that the experts refer to. There’s only two of her kind in existence. The other one isn’t nearly as agreeable.” 

“Damn. What is she?” 

“Closest approximation? A universe eater,” Roxy tells him. 

Karkat’s eyebrows go so far up his forehead it hurts. “What the fuck? Aren’t they giant ass snakes that died out centuries ago?” 

“That’s why I said closest approximation,” Roxy says, almost proudly. 

“As interesting as it is to talk about exactly what you’re girlfriend is, Roxy, this is incredibly off topic,” Dirk calls from where he’s leaning against the car. 

Dave shudders and Karkat turns his attention to him. He’s sweating, and pulling off his coat. 

“What are you doing? Do you want to freeze?” Karkat panics. He grabs the edges of Dave’s coat and pulls them back over his body. 

“‘Kat, it’s too warm,” He complains. 

“It’s ass fucking freezing, Dave!” Karkat counters. 

The lady with the camera turns around. Her eyes are startlingly blue, dark but they seem to glow. She smiles and her teeth are perfectly white and straight. She holds herself like she’s royalty, and exudes an aura of old power, despite her rather young look. She speaks with a strong Scottish accent, “Not for him, it’s no’. Welcome. I have to say I wasn’t expecting visitors so soon. I figured ye would stay sight seeing for a bit longer. Let’s get out of the fucking cold, aye?” 

. . . 

She guides them to a small house down the road, cozy and inviting. She introduces herself as the Sea Mither, and explains that her presence with her ‘children can have a warming affect’. The Sea Mither refuses to let them speak until she finishes making something warm to drink. For Karkat, it’s hot coco, exactly like his brother used to make on snow days that his dad had to work. For Dave, it smells like peppermint tea. She put the same thing in five cups though. Honestly though, that doesn’t really phase Karkat. 

Dave takes a sip of his tea before placing the mug on the table. “We’re here because I’d like to divorce Karkat.” 

“Yes I know.” 

“I- wait. You do?” The confusing is evident in Dave’s voice. 

She smiles with her perfect teeth again. “Of course dear. What kind o’ mother would I be if dinne at least get an inkling o’ what mae children want?” 

Dave looks down at his lap, almost sheepish. Karkat gives him a small look. He looks exactly like a child that’s been scolded by their mother. Oh my god, Karkat thinks, He is being mothered. 

“I will grant ye yer divorce. On one condition,” She starts. Karkat watches as everyone around the table but her. 

Dave’s eyes dart from behind his glasses to Karkat and then back to her. Dirk is trying very hard not to grit his teeth (failing, might he add). Jake’s hand disappears under the table, probably to grasp at Dirks. Roxy looks like a mixture of terrified and angry, and is probably plotting out how to kill a god. Everyone is holding their breath. 

“I’d like a christmas card once in a while. It’s not easy fighting off another god and chaining a demon to the ocean floor. It’d be a joy to hear from one of my children,” She finishes.

Karkat sighs in relief. “Yeah, we can do that.” 

She smiles, then claps her hands together. “Ok. It’s done! Divorced an’ over with. Do ye wanna to stay fer dinner?” 

“Our flight leaves in about two hours and we have to get through security and customs, sorry,” Roxy says. “It was incredible to meet you though!” 

Karkat, the only one who remembered their manners apparently, stands and nods towards the Sea Mither. “Thank you so much for what you’ve done. Dave and I appreciate it very much.” 

“Think nothing of it. I just hope this is the only divorce I’ll be seeing ye fer,” She says with a smile. “Now go. Donne wanna miss yer flight.” 

Karkat nods again before grabbing Dave and heading for the door. “I’ll remember your address and we’ll send you a card.” 

“Thank ye, dearie,” She says quietly. “Enjoy yer divorce.” 

Dirk, Jake and Roxy follow behind them. Roxy thanks the Sea Mither and closes the door behind them. Surprisingly, Karkat doesn’t feel any different. He thought this divorce would change something, but it hasn’t. Dave’s hand is still in his, warm against the chill of the air. He still loves Dave. Karkat leans up and kisses Dave’s cheek, just to prove it to himself that life will stay like this for the foreseeable future. Something warm settles in Karkat’s chest and he smiles to himself. 

It’s still the same as ever, and Karkat’s happy with that. 


	14. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so the food described, chocolate raspberry pancakes is actually something I make all the time and it's fucking delicious. I'm not gonna make a claim to it, considering I don't know if anyone else has already done it, but I think i might be the first person to have the idea. If not, then great minds think alike.

“Hey, Dave?” Karkat shouts from the penthouse kitchen. 

From somewhere deep in the recesses of the building ( probably the pool room, yes, Dave has a fucking pool room. Makes more sense when Karkat remembers that he’s a semi-aquatic monster some days.) come back a quiet “Yeah?” 

“How do you like your fucking pancakes?” He shouts. 

“I dunno, surprise me,” Dave calls. 

Karkat shrugs, one of Dave’s shirts loose around his shoulders. Guess he’s getting a special Vantas family breakfast, chocolate raspberry pancakes. If Dave has chocolate or raspberries. It’s a miracle Karkat was even able to find the stuff for pancakes. He’s bumped into some weird stuff in all the times he’s had to dig through Strider’s cabinets. 

He sets the pan on the stove and starts warming it up to medium heat as he adds raspberries just on the cusp of being too ripe and half a cup of chocolate chips. Every pan Dave owns is nonstick, god bless him for that or Karkat would ultimately use waaaaayyy too much butter cooking the pancakes. Dave has a surprisingly small amount of butter, no matter how much Karkat brings with him. 

Soon, the smell of cooking pancakes draws Karkat’s boyfriend into the room. Dave’s hair is wet when Karkat turns to look at him. 

“Good morning.” 

Dave looks him up and down. “Are those my boxers?” 

“Go fuck yourself. It’s your fault you dragged me into the fucking pool last night before I had changed. My clothes stink of salt water,” Karkat glares. 

“They look good on you,” The blond comments with a smirk. 

Karkat scowls to hide his smile and turns to hide his blushing face, focusing on the pancakes. “If you don’t want me to burn these, then you’ll sit your ass down.” 

Dave puts his hands up in surrender and makes his way out of the kitchen. Of all the things this penthouse has, a table is not one of them. Karkat brings out a round of pancakes to the couch, leaves a bottle of honey he found for Dave to use and goes to clean up. 

He thinks as he wipes the counter down. Just a month ago, Karkat was on a plane to get a divorce. Now he’s basically moved in with his boyfriend, even if it’s only in spirit. To be fair, though, he does spend more time here than at his own apartment. Especially on weekends. Dave is… the best word for how Karkat feels about Dave cannot actually be summed up to one word. It’s more an amalgamation of words. Things like love, adoration, frustration (Dave has his moments where he gets on Karkat’s nerves.  _ See: long rants that make no fucking sense, in the index of things that annoy Karkat. _ ), loyalty.

He’s just so fucking in love with Dave it’s almost unbelievable. Something warm blooms in his chest every time he thinks of the few true smiles he gets from Dave on the occasion. It’s really something beautiful. And there’s that feeling, like a candle in his chest slowly melting the wax of his heart. 

Maybe someday he might ask Dave to marry him. It’s still way too fucking early in a relationship, it hasn’t even been six months, but someday. Nothing fancy either. Just a small celebration with a few close friends. The idea is appealing to dream about, but still sounds like a nightmare to actually plan. And if Dave says no, then that doesn’t mean they have to stop dating. If a divorce didn’t break them up, then a silly marriage proposal won’t either. 

Karkat finished cleaning the kitchen and goes to join Dave on the couch with a plate of his own pancakes. They have no plans for today, so Karkat can relax and lean against Dave as they eat. The TV plays, the pancakes are delicious, and the world is still. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End   
I hope you enjoyed this, it's my first official fanfiction finished (I am not including my wattpad works because they fucking suck ass and shouldn't be considered works of literature) and is also the longest fanfiction I have ever written. Thanks for reading!


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